Week 35 Day 4

Medi Object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and to practise metta

Afternoon all! A brief post during lunch. Today again the mind was full of bad work thoughts and I am struggling to focus on the task at hand. The couple in front of me were quite interesting (nice chit chat), as were the two Japanese women (not talking – looked as though they had had an argument) who stood in front of me on the District line. Metta was fragmented although reasonable for about 10 minutes.

My equanimity is being stretched to the limit at the moment as a colleauge is being particularly pernicious to me for some unknown reason. I’ll have to accept it as their sense of humour although my sense of humour is waning quickly. It’s good that I have been reading Salzberg’s book in the Chapter “Liberating the Mind with Sympathetic Joy”, the next chapter is called the “the Gift of Equanimity” and skimming through it I have seen a good quote…”All beings are the owners of their karma. Their happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions, and not on my wishes for them.”

Ommmm…..

35/4

Week 35 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and to practise metta

Morning all! Today I practised for around 40 mins ending in metta.

Today is the day for children on the tube. On the first train a family of  Indians and on the second a young girl in a pram with her mother. Also Cantonese speaking tourists on the 2nd train.

Noting was quite difficult, it seems as I arise I have these anti - work thoughts and they are hard to bat away. I followed the dialogue of the mother with her daughter which included "you're my best friend" and lots of kisses (from the daughter). Such is the innocence of childhood.

Metta was flowing intermittently today but was able to maintain on and off for ten minutes. The trouble is I am always fascinated by well-behaved young children so get easily distracted.

Back to work now. Have a great day!

🐽 💜 🐽

35/3

Week 35 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and practice metta

Afternoon all! Hope you are having a good day. Our team has relocated temporarily to a higher floor and we have a good view of the outside world, including the top of Big Ben (although we don’t see the clock).

Today’s practice was filled with concern about my work, and it’s never as bad as in my mind. I struggled to remain focused what was happening around me at that moment, the thoughts were overwhelming. However, this is my way of coping with uncertainty – I like to think of all kinds of “hypothetical scenarios” as one accountant used to say to me, and flog them in my mind to death. Then reality is always so much easier! Ha!

Metta on the other hand was soothing, as I was able to focus on that feeling for most of the District line journey. It is true that there is no room for bad thoughts if you are focusing on loving kindness, even when reflecting on your “enemies”!

Thankfully, the accountant has agreed that he has enough information to prepare the accounts now, so that’s a weight off my shoulders although I still need to chase my agency for the outstanding expenses they owe me. Panic over! (Panic because the accounts need to be submitted by the end of the week.)

Anyhoo, it’s quiet as the people around me have gone into a meeting. Over the weekend I did manage to do some tidying but I’m hoping I will be in a tidying mood tonight so that I continue to forge my way through to completion!

Hasta luego! 🐽💜🐽

35/2

Week 35 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations and practise metta

Afternoon all! Today although I couldn't play golf because of the rain I was able to practise for 45 mins with high alertness and strong feelings of loving kindness in the metta session.

I allowed my awareness to roam and was mainly involved in watching some thoughts about the garden and sprucing it up. Some good ideas came up! If they come to fruition I will post photos. I felt calm and content and very happy even though I'm not whacking that little ball around a field. I recalled the film Catching Impermanence which I have posted a link here on this group and thought about the beautiful designs Amador drew on the beach...so amazing yet transient. I'm also about to watch the Hungarian Grand Prix and pondered about the young driver Jules Bianchi who died this week from his injuries he incurred at Suzuka last year. Also thought about Schumacher who is now an invalid in his own luxurious home after the skiing accident. In a flash their lives were changed irrevocably. I am grateful that I am able to sit in my house with sound mind and body and explore the present moment.

For the first time I was able to focus on the feeling of loving kindness and was able to maintain it for the 15 minutes whilst having intentions of forgiveness and we'll being to myself and others.

Sometimes unexpected pleasures come from changed plans!

Have a great Sunday...go Hamilton! Although he is now 10th after some shenanigans at the start of the race!

🐽💜🐽

35/1

Week 34 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and to practise metta.

Evening all! today I practised after dinner for 45 mins. 30 noting 15 metta at the end.

I felt alert tonight but still towards the middle there was some nodding. I think it is also very quiet and the only time house is quiet is if I am sleeping!.

Today thoughts of golf, the garden, my new laptop and my accounts flowed through.

For metta I practised for 15 mins with well wishing intentions for myself and my niece and mother. I continue to practise forgiveness metta.

Tomorrow marks start of the 35th week of daily meditation. It has been a interesting and curious journey of exploration. And it is only just over 3 months to 30 days of Insight...time is flying!

Hope you are all having a good weekend. Golf was good, I came 3rd in the comp and won some money instead of booze (as I am teetotal). Tomorrow the forecast is rainy..booo. oh well plenty to do here if it's wet!

Love to you all! 🐽💜🐽

34/7

Week 34 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! Today's practice was half noting half metta. Although it is late I am relatively alert. The air is cool although I start to bake under the blanket so that I have to open it a bit.

The house is quiet but there is noise from upstairs.. The start of my neighbour's weekend. He's on his own as the rest if his family is in Italy. The ringing in my ears comes in to focus every now and then as foes my breathing. It is regular and smooth. Thoughts of the house come to yo mind and how tidiness eventually becomes chaos if not kept under control!

We had a deluge of rain this evening so everything is soaked outside in the garden. So much for drying out the wood!

Metta was about forgiveness and something good in everyone. Not easy.

It's the weekend hooray! Hope you all have a good one!

🐽 💜 🌞 🐽

34/6

Week 34 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe all sensations and practise metta

Morning all!  It's Thursday apparently the new weekend. Today is cool and cloudy. The tubes are not as crowded as it's the summer holidays. I started with metta and then practised forgiveness metta also. It seems I still have a lot of junk to get out of my head!

Noting on the way to Hammersmith station. There were two Russian women sitting opposite me. I observed their clothes and remarked how similar their colouring was almost like goths. There were two phone users sitting next to them.

....and this entry was incomplete! doh!

oh well...

Week 34 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Morning all! back to normalcy one hopes!

Yesterday I did do pre golf practice but ran out of time to report. I practised in the hotel room which was cool and quiet except for the whirring aircon.

Today I'm on the tube again for 2 days at least. Both trains appear to have sorted out their ventilation so it was lovely and cool.

Thoughts of golfing and work drifted in. My connecting stop came sooner than expected so must have drifted off for a few stops. Man with suit and cologne squashed himself next to me. There were other spaces so I felt mildly irritated that his warm self should be interrupting my cool environment.

On the next tube a family of Cantonese speaking tourist boarded and stayed on for two stops. We're in a new tube with lots of space!

Anyhoo metta practice on the tube, I reflected how I keep disappoint resentment in my head...a waste of space. I will endeavour not to keep it in there!

Oh yes before I go the bacon smell on the connecting platform was getting the ghrelin going...not so easy for intermittent fasters! 

Until tomorrow. ..Have a great day! 🐽 💜 🐽

34/4

Week 34 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Morning all! A very quick check in before I hit the road.

Noting today was quiet with some thoughts. Thoughts about golf (what else) and the garden. A warm feeling in my left leg came to the fore at times as did the ringing in my ears. I also did some labelling for a few mins.

Metta followed and I am continuing the forgiveness metta which has proved reflective and interesting.

Ok ciao for now! Have a great week! 🐽💗🐽

34/2

Week 34 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to allow all thoughts and sensations in

Evening all!  Today I practised this morning avant - golf but just posting now aprės - golf and dinner.

This morning I treated myself to roaming focus to whatever came into focus. Thoughts of garden design and water features and concrete pebbles! Every now and then I would see bright shapes and hear the ringing of the ears.

During metta at the end I performed the forgiveness routines and felt at the point when I had the intention to forgive myself for feelings of disappointment and annoyances, I thought I felt a smidgeon of loving kindness enter my sensations.

Tomorrow off to Wales for a spot of golf. Shame about the Open today will have to watch the golf after the round maybe?

Happy and peaceful Sunday to you all!

🐽💜🐽

34/1

Week 33 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention practise forgiveness metta and noting

Evening all! Today 30 mins of noting and metta.

I struggled with alertness due to the lateness in the day but after 15 mins I practised metta and found that that yielded quite a lot of interesting reflection.

I observed how quiet it was but not a peaceful quiet, more of an agitated quiet. Today I was calm in the midst of moaning at the golf club.  I actually didn't care about what they were arguing about. These days I notice that a friend who is a newly important person is being surrounded by those who wish to curry favour. I am beginning to tire of this jousting so let them get on with it. Such is the sub culture of a club.

When I practised forgiveness metta I thought about today and how easy it is to get sucked into gossip. There are those who would have you think they are your friends until they've sucked the information they want from you. Then they're back into their crowd. I forgave them and forgave myself for the feelings of disappointment that I felt as they unsubtly moved to speak to someone else.

The weather was glorious and our team got the highest score..but as we were a group of women we didn't win the top prize! Like I said, this is the mysterious subculture of a club! I forgave them for their prejudice and forgave myself for being frustrated with the chauvinism. Not that it is right, but there is no space in my tiny head of wasteful draining thoughts like those.

Tomorrow more golf with my buddies. Win win.

Hope you're having a great weekend!
🐽 💜 🐽

33/7

Week 33 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations, practise forgiveness metta.

Afternoon all! Today  a slightly curtailed practice due to time constraints. 35 mins.

First I continued to practise metta including forgiveness metta. At each stage images of people appear on mind. Intention is strong and all sorts of people pop in there!

Noting was focused on the noises of the washing machine at one point because there was something scraping on the glass door...loudly. Temptation to look was strong! I felt a bit weary so nodded a bit..time to eat something!

The weather has been reasonable so.i have been productive in the garden but of course progress is always slower that planned.

Have a great weekend and hope the sun shines on you! 🌞💜🌞

33/6

Week 33 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive, to practise metta.

Afternoon all! Today I started with 20 mins metta - forgiveness and seeing goodness. I am finding this form of metta much more meaningful as it allows me to reflect on past experiences and to observe my reactions towards them.

Noting began with the breath and I continued to layer on other sensations. I also did some labelling until it became too cumbersome to continue. The main focus today was a strange squeaking sound which I must identify later! Planning thoughts came in at the end but I allowed them to pass through.

Lots to do today but in no rush!

Have a fab day! 🐽💜🐽

33/5

Week 33 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention - metta exercises and noting remaining alert

Evening all! Realised that I had not posted today, I have been busy at work and then dashed to an exercise class afterwards. 

Today I decided to focus on metta exercises for most of the journey. Forgiveness and seeing goodness. The Salzberg book is a real eye opener. I recited the affirmations and reflected after each step. I am continuing the evacuation of unneeded thoughts and ideas out of my tiny head. Look forward to positive ideas to take their place!

Today I practised noting on the District line. The noting focus was on thoughts about work and daily life. And also thoughts about the metta exercises.

I'm off work again until next Wednesday looking forward to a busy productive time around the house and also in Wales on Monday and Tuesday! plus the change to do a longer practice tomorrow! 🐷💜🐷

33/4

Week 33 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention to remain alert and open to any sensations

Afternoon all! A quick post before I get back to work. Today it was quiet until the District line train which was noisy but not crowded. Practice was focused on my (less) itchy eyes and my tiredness. I sat listening to dialogue, tube rumbling and feeling the coolness of the air – as opposed to the boiling-ness last week! The tube seemed to whizz along super quick today, but it got to the connecting station no quicker than usual. On the next train, I practised a forgiveness meditation from Salzberg’s book. I have been musing about aversion (which is a pretty large topic) and agreed with Salzberg that there is no room for resentment, disappointment or guilt in the already small head of mine, so I will have the intention to remove them!

Very zippy! Have a good day!

33/3

Week 33 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all! Today it's a work day. Quite weary as have been awake with itchy eyes. More antihistamine needed!

The weather is damp today and so the ambience is slightly depressed. Not sure it's really negative vedana but it's asking to be.

The main focus today was alas my eyes which are very uncomfortable. I tried to relax but if I kept my eyes closed they would start to itch. Trying not to scratch arrrgh! Passengers were quiet today, and there don't appear to be any notable  foreigners in this carriage as I write.

Anyhoo as soon as I get to work will be consuming drugs to hopefully cure eye itch.

Have a great day! 🐽 👀🐽

33/2

Week 33 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe all sensations and allow all thoughts to take their course.

Morning all! Today 45 mins with a bit of metta. Very alert with high energy today. I decided to allow all thoughts in and see them through to the end.

I began as always with the breath and then layered on the other sensations. The ringing in my ears is loud today and the TV box is whirring...must be getting an update. Thoughts for the first half hour were some strange scenes about measuring something.  I have been following an intermittent fasting regime and so my mind must have made something up about it! I did have some thoughts about calculating future weight loss. Was able to observe these as simply thoughts and not follow a trail to drifting. Every now and then my focus was on what I saw on my eyelids..green swirls moving towards a centre point. Also my neighbours are active upstairs so I followed them around for a while. I felt relaxed but also felt an ache in my back I could not remove with adjusting position so I just left it there.

Thoughts overlapped and I watched as some progressed and others disappeared as I took a deep breath or adjusted my posture.

I did metta at 25 mins for 5 mins (the bells allow me to stop at 30 if I want to)  I tried the Salzberg affirmations and then focused on my niece, had to bat sone thought trails to the background.

For the last 15 mins I thought about my garden. A few handy ideas came up but nothing earth shattering. The thoughts were intermingled with sounds, sights and the physical feelings of my sitting.

Anyhoo have to dash to speak to mother and then head to the golf course.

Have a great day, will Federer be Wimbledon champion?  🐽💜🐽

33/1

Week 32 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Evening all! Tonight a 30 mins practice ending in metta.

I started with the breath and added the layers but it became apparent that I was tired and I nodded frequently. So I ended up standing for the last 15 mins.

In between noddings the sensation smoothie consisted of the fan noises, the ringing in my ears and various aches and pains particularly when standing. Plain light on front of my eyes.  Thoughts were about golf and ummm eating cereal! Ha!

Anyhoo. Standing seemed to stop the nodding but I had to sway gently to keep balance.

Hope you are having a good weekend! See you tomorrow! 🐽💜🐽

32/7

Week 32 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all!  It's quiet on the way to work as it's Friday and mist people work away from the office.

Noting was around 30 mins followed by metta.

Today it was quiet and the train rattled along at speed, it seemed more rocky than usual. A woman opposite me had a brief phone conversation. At one point we stopped and the train announcement did not happy so I observed the missing announcement!

Anyhoo, for metta I review the 11 benefits in the chapter I am reading of Salzberg.

The trains are slow today although every is supposed to be back to normal.

It's nearly the weekend. ..hope you have a great one!

🐽💜🐽

32/6

Week 32 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Afternoon all! Today 30 mins of noting and metta at the end.

Today I am lucky to be at home because of the tube strike. It's a sunny day but I'm indoors avoiding it because of work!

I began as always with focus on the breath and layered on other sensations. However today thoughts were prevalent so I let them happen whilst trying not to progress them and lose peripheral awareness. A thought about yesterday's  Bokwa class came up and I was about to try and remember the routine we went through! Nooo stop, not for meditation practice! Another time.

I did jot a couple of things down because I really needed not to forget them, which I often do after practice.

Metta was ok, I have been reading Salzberg's book and it's beginni4to make sense, although it's hard to believe the idea that of you have the intention of doing or feeling something in this case. .feeling the loving kindness feeling, you can keep going through the motions of the affirmations and eventually it will happen. More work required!

Ok time for lunch I believe...and maybe I will peek outside a bit! Have a great day! 🐽 💜 🐽

32/5

Week 32 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Morning all! Today I'm back on the tube with a tube strike looming so it will be challenging this evening.

As I am weary practice was a combo of drifting off and reaffirming intentions. Not sure if it was a practice at all. Still I refrained from tube mobile activity and continued to mindfully observe surroundings as the train terminated at an earlier stop. There is a cool breeze in the air so it doesn't feel like the summer days we've been having. Better for being at work I say. Acton Town station looked as gray as ever without the sun. I couldn't squash on to the next train so waited for the next. Am now in a new District line train which has air conditioning. ..very nice!

Wondering what work will bring today? The new boss is a bit lost...

Little finger is still swollen and stiff but what should I expect?! May resort to medical means to reduce inflammation.

Okydoky it's nearly time to disembark so ill bid you adieu! 🐽💜🐽

32/4

Week 32 Day 3

Evening all! A short 30 min practice with metta before shower and bed.

Noting began with the breath and then layering on the other sensations. The ringing in my ears is prevalent today as it a slight throb of my little finger as I trapped it in my golf trolley whilst trying to collapse it one handed this afternoon. Drew blood argh!  Different size to other finger but hopefully will not impinge on golf!

I accepted my aversion to the quiet familiar environment I'm in as thoughts raced through my head. I did follow a few to conclusion.

Back to work for 3 days tomorrow. ..never fear the weekend will be apon us soon!

Have a great day and practice!

🐽 💜 🐽
32/3

Week 32 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all!  A quick practice today early.

I started with the breath and then began to layer on the other sensations.

The main focus today was the birdsong outside my hotel window. Before that though I had to rid myself of the urge to sneeze...how awkward! I felt a cool breeze around my ankles..The general ambience was one of very pleasant vedana.

Only a few thoughts came on about future plans.

Metta at the end, I made the affirmations a few times and then moved to my usual focus object.

Hope you all have a fab day...I'm off to hit that little ball in a huge field.

🐽💜🐽

32/2

Week 32 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and observe raw sensations

Morning all!  Today a 45 min practice with some metta in the middle.

I began by cycling round the senses and trying to observe as much detail as possible.

Today's thoughts were mainly about the golf I played yesterday. I fell into a few thinking trails and then once I realised I tried to observe them till they finished. These thoughts were interspersed between moments of what I would call "being here now"...a variation of the slogan that was used at a company I used to work for which encouraged one to "be here now" particularly in meetings. Not sure it ever worked for them!

Patterns in front of my eyes were prevalent today as was the breezy sound of the fan. I felt that my body seemed a bit lopsided but when I tried to correct I felt lopsided the other way!

I did try jotting down any planning thoughts and ideas that came to mind. But they only came at the start of the practice.

The weather looks overcast I may be rained on today!

Hope you have a great Sunday and woo hoo Murray is through to the 4th round of Wimbledon and Hamilton is on pole in today's British Grand Prix! 🐽💜🐽

32/1

Week 31 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Morning all!  A brief practice of 30 mins today pre golf.

Noting began with a cycle and then a layering of the sensations from all the senses. This time I also included thinking as a sensation. I felt alert and calm today and very happy as I had interrupted sleep due to a very blocked nose which had cleared so I was marvelling at my clear air passages for a while!. Very positive vedana!

Thoughts came in about future plans but instead of dismissing them I allowed them to play through whilst acknowledging that I may have drifted.

Metta at the end was hard but seemed to be able to focus on my object for a few seconds at a time.

Sometimes ideas cone into my head whilst practising and it's a shame I don't have a pen to write them down...another lesson in staying present. Or perhaps I should? Will ponder...

Have a great day today, hoping for nice weather! 🐽💜🐽

31/7

Week 31 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Afternoon all!  Today is  joy joy sunny day which has been very productive so far. I'm in an upbeat mood!

Practised for 45 mins including 5 mins excellent metta.

For noting I went through each sense to remind myself of them starting with breathing and ending with feeling. I did that a few times then in the next cycle I started to add each layer of sensation on. Then I allowed my observation to be choiceless. Today the cool air from the fan which became cold and unpleasant dominated some of the practice. I had to change blanket coverage several times.

For the last 15 mins I felt my mins wander and had to renew intentions frequently. Planning thoughts came to mind which I must have slapped away because useful as they were I can't remember them. Doh!

Hey ho time to crack on to the fun part of my day! Have mown lawn, cleaned car, sorted out golf trolley, just need to hang up laundry in tge gorgeous sunshine (love doing that) then I'm out at physio then golf lesson and more golf.

Note to self - does help if one sleeps earlier! Funnily though the better I feel the more likely I am to retire early. No matter how weary I am.

Have a great weekend! Hope you all have some sun where you are! 💜🐽💜🌞

31/6

Week 31 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and experience raw sensations

Evening all! today and evening practice walking from 15th minute.

After spending all day walking round watching ladies pro golf I returned fully knackered.  After dinner I set to practise . However due to low energy I was falling asleep so I resorted to walking.

Today’s physical aches and pains featured in my practice smoothie. Hip pain and knee pain mainly,  nothing too drastic but I know I've been walking for 7 hours!

During the walking meditation in which I take very slow and deliberate steps around my kitchen it's rare that thoughts come in. It's mainly sensations to do with my feet touching the floor and what catches my eye when I turn round (not quite mastered walking with eyes closed!).  My arms are heavy, I hold my phone in my hand as the timer and time goes quickly. It is a very centering and calming experience when there are no thoughts whizzing round in my head.

Metta at the start was repeating the affirmations and also visualisation of my object. Pretty hard.

So now to chill out with the tennis/golf/mock the week on the telly.

Have a great evening and see you on the morrow. 🐽💜🐽

31/5

Week 31 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention - Metta practice and then noting raw sensations

Afternoon all, today I decided to practice metta before noting. I used a few of Sharon Salzberg's affirmations but as Maxine previously said, hoping that they will eventually produce a sensation of loving kindness. I did read some of her book on the tube - will commit to reading some more.

Noting was a hot sweltering affair, I did half of it standing. Everyone was looking a bit wilted. I pity the men in their long sleeved shirts. Wasn't too hot in the first train but almost unbearable in the 2nd. Besides the oppressive heat, I was grateful for the occasional breeze when we were at station platforms. I was also grateful for the women using her hand fan next to me. Result! The tube seemed a bit more jolty today, maybe the tracks were a bit more bendy? Although I had left the house earlier (resulting in standing required on the 2nd train) I was not more weary as I had gone to bed an hour earlier (gadzooks!). Wilty feelings and planning thought rummaged through my practice. Now I am in the icy air conditioning of the office! Very nice.

Hope you are all having an ice, I mean, nice day!

31/4

Week 31 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert, to observe raw sensations

Morning all! Today’s tube was beginning to swelter and I do not relish the journey home. Tomorrow is supposed to be the hottest day of the year, so we are all pondering how to adjust our office wear!

Today’s practice was a Piccadilly line noting session, with a District line metta practice. Today the main sensations were the cotton shirts brushing against my arms of my next door neighbours. There was a humming of ventilation of sorts. The station announcements were quiet. I saw swirls in front of my eyes and my feet firmly on the floor.

Thoughts pervaded today – can’t quite recall of what, I was watching them like a video. My mood was pretty upbeat and as I had made an attempt of an “early” night I was a bit more alert.

After disembarking from the first train I had a short wait for the next train. The bracing breeze had turned into a cool balmy breath of pleasant vedana. Let’s not think about what will be happening in December!

As I sat for my metta practice, I battled with the drifting of the mind.

Have not been reading too much (of anything) these days, so today I commit to reading a few pages of Sharon Salzberg’s book. Time seems to fly by and Wimbledon has started and Le Tour next weekend. How can this be?

Well we can all enjoy what we have now experience the micro pleasures of being here right now. I’ve found a quote:

“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” Thích Nhất Hạnh
Live well and prosper.
31/3

Week 31 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention to remain alert and observe raw sensations.

Afternoon all! Today a tube meditation of mixed success. As I started earphone leakage from a man nearby was terrible, so I moved further down the carriage. A woman sat down next to me and opened her drink with with a loud *POP* which embarrassed her so much she apologised whilst laughing. I think we all smiled but were all a bit comatose to worry about it.

 

Of late tiredness has abounded - perhaps it is due to the hayfever season? Anyhoo, I bathed in the sensation smoothie on and off. I must say I was driven away from it frequently by planning thoughts, and thoughts of work.

I boarded the connecting train and two girls who were sitting opposite me were playing hangman on a notebook. These simple games still give so much pleasure! I could hear some more students chatting noisily further down the carriage - boys!

There is supposed to be a heatwave in the UK this week, peaking on Wednesday in the 30s. As long as it stays fine for days following I'm not too bothered about Wednesday, I'll be in the air conditioned office!

Have a good day!

31/2

Week 31 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! Today another short practice of 30 mins.

First 20 mins spent sitting and nodding so decided to walk a bit.  Much better in future will do this all the time in evening practices.

Today's vedana pleasant with a few unpleasant aches. Such is one's lot with age! Not too many thoughts, although some useful thoughts when pacing in kitchen. At least I can remember them now, usually they are lost in space after practice.

Loved the cool floor against my feet as I walked and the sense of blankness. Nowhere to go and nothing to do but walk like..an Egyptiannnnn! (complete with 80s tune)...only joking bet that woke you up. 🗻🐪 there are no Egyptian style emoticons so a mountain and a camel will have to do.

Metta was good today felt the lurrrrve and focused on it for a few minutes.

Okydoky time for chillax and food, and watching the rest of the Senior Open!

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.🐽💜🐽

31/1

Week 30 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! today another short practice 30 mins . Tired at the end of the day after only playing 9 holes- came in after tweaking knee.

Practice was filled with nodding and reaffirmation. Seemed so tough.  I cycled through the senses trying to keep myself on track. Did feel relatively peaceful but dozy. Sigh one of those days. Probably need to slap myself into sleeping properly.

The fan was blowing on me intermittently. It's pretty warm and the pollen count is high. General malaise abounded. Thoughts of golf and courgetti 😅 featured. Not in the same stream!

Metta at the end on niece. Again tough but dragged myself back to focus object.

The weather has been glorious today shame about the knee, otherwise would have played 18 holes. Here's to tomorrow and next week's 3 day week! Yeeehaaa!

Ciao for now! 🐽💜🐽

30/7

Week 30 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! Today a short one as it's late -30 mins. Felt meh today so left practice till all other distractions were out of the way.

Noting began with a smorgasbord mainly of physical feelings. Initially I felt my pulse through my body, vibrating in my chest and through my fingers and in my temples. I had just finished eating so may be the seasonings were pulsing through my veins?

My breathing was ragged and deep at first. My head seemed to be pulsating and the ringing in my ears was in pulsing as well.

I started to overheat so had to turn on the fan...ahhh a lovely cool breeze of very pleasant vedana...like a balmy beach in summer here.

Thoughts about various activities came in my head at one point I disappeared into a thought about a cooking show! Strange...

Thoughts about Tunisia and Lyon came into my head, a feeling of disbelief and sadness. Why?

I tried to relax and stay here, neither in the future or the past, it took some effort but kept drawing myself back.

Metta at the end was so so. Still struggle with keeping focus.

Ok now it's time for Rudimental at Glastonbury. ..love drum and bass!

Have a great weekend! 🐽 💜 🐽

30/6

Week 30 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensation smoothie.

Morning all! I'm amidst a cacophony of noise as a group of secondary school children have boarded the train and just before a group of primary school children travelled one stop. No more metta practice, too noisy.

I attempted to observe the raw sensation smoothie as yesterday but did not seem as alert. However peripheral awareness was reasonable for most of the journey. My hayfever was set off by a man's cologne as he wafted on. The woman opposite me was applying makeup and drinking coffee from her travel mug now and then. But she was not as efficient as a woman yesterday who had a makeup counter in her handbag and her transformation was complete by the time I got off. Today's woman appeared to be less practised.

The atmosphere was warm and the train relatively quiet. In my smoothie there was a mix of announcements, lights flashing past my eyes, the secure sensation of me clutching my bag and the warm presence of a stripey woman next to me.

A connecting train had just left the platform so I continued my practice on the platform but was interrupted by a woman speaking into her phone...semmingly dictating. The next train came and so now I am in the midst of organised chaos.

Could it be Thursday? Wow have a great day! 🐽💜🐽

30/5

Week 30 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Morning all! I'm on the Barking 🐕 train! LOL. Enough silliness back to practice. Today I practiced for 30 mins until barons court. This included a dash across the platform to my connecting train already about to leave.

Today I chose to observe raw sensations in a bunch - I will call it all sensation smoothie. Each time I drifted off the smoothie I pulled myself back to the centre and resumed the smoothie observation.

Within this mix I just observed everything without categorising which made it easier to observe more but it was easier to drift.

Mentally elaborating I heard Quaver  crunching by a girl, felt sharp elbows, heard newspaper page turning which sounded like he was ripping the pages off each time, smelt faint fragrance. I also had a few itches which I dealt with and felt my sticky eyes glued together due to hayfever. No time for thoughts but planning thoughts preceded this little bursts of alertness.

As I dashed across the platform I appeared to have cramp across my back which still hasn't left me...hopefully inky a result of going mad at the golf range on Monday!

Will spent a few minutes on metta before disembarking.

Have a fab day! 🐕💜🐕

30/4

Week 30 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! Just posting now although practised this morning. 30 mins noting on Piccadilly line with 10 mins metta on District line.

Anyhoo today no squish but two competing fragrances. Again sensations merged into one - sounds, smells, lights.

On the 2nd train practised metta. Tough but doable. Some quiet Portuguese hot on the train.

That's all today, just returned from Paco Peña flamenco performance - fabulous.

¡Hasta la próxima! 🐷💜🐷👚🎶

30/3

Week 30 Day 2

Medi object - choiceless awareness

Intention - to remain alert

Afternoon all! Just had time to post but did meditation of sorts on tube. Today I seem very tired, the added dis-amusement of having to get to work after being away for over a week seems to weigh heavily - am I in the wrong job? Anyhoo only a week to go before part time working (for a while anyway).

Today's meditation was about noting, and today my biggest focus was the wide man sitting next to me, eating his sandwiches and drinking his coffee. Felt very unduly squashed even with my eyes closed. With that in the foreground, I could feel my breathing and my hands on my knees and the light on my eyelids and the tube machinery, except this tube had a different whine. After being squashed by said man, I struggled to eject myself onto the platform to my connecting traing which was coming into the platform. This train was much quieter and but I felt more dozy. Phew I struggled not to drift off. In the end, I could hardly open my eyes to get off at my station.

The office is very quiet, everyone is taking advantage of the cat being away to have "the boiler man" visit the house.

Anyhoo, yawning through the day, work is turning out to be not as bad as anticipated, although it is of course only midday!

Ok, off to forage for food - welcome to a new week...and the Minions movie is on at the end of it! Yeee haaa!

30/2

Week 30 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! Tonight 30 mins of practice. Very tired from the day so hard going. Should gave got up early to practise but up watching US Open till very wee hours.

Pondered the difficulty of practice when weary and kept eyes open for a while.  Metta was hard too.

Sat and observed all the sensations for a few moments, hearing, seeing, feeling.

Anyhoo one more night of late night telly watching, it's the final day of the US Open on that fiendish golf course!

Normal service to be resumed tomorrow. 🐽💜🐽

30/1.

Week 29 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Evening all! A late one today due to tiredness in the morning.  So I have practised for 30 mins in total with 5 mins metta at the end.

Noting today started with everything vibrating and oscillating together. The sounds, feelings, light in front of my eyes all at the same time. Strange but interesting.

Then thoughts arose - some to do with what I'd been watching just before practice...a video about cruelty to slow lorises except that the animals were replaced by humans. Ooof! Apparently their back venom teeth are removed brutally with no anaesthetic. Anyway a weird and macabre film played in front of my eyes. Then a few golf scenes. A few cooking scenes. Nothing in too much detail after that.

I cycled round the senses a few times. I hid the noisy clock but could still hear it quietly.

Metta was again an effort of focus, but I'm assuming it takes practice!

Anyhoo hope you are all having a great weekend! 🐽 💜 🐽

29/7

Week 29 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Afternoon all! Today I am back at home but have decided to clear a space for practice in the living room. Then I can open the patio door and hear what's outside. Eventually I will be able to practise  outside - it's a bit chilly today.

I am sitting next to a very loud ticking clock so that pervaded my practice throughout.

Thoughts about clearing the house came I to mind and also thoughts about eating...well it has been a gourmet fest the last few days.

The gardeners have forgotten about front garden do I will need to mow that soon (but not today).

Besides the clock I heard some birdsong, the washing machine and the breeze on my shade outside. I had planning thoughts about the patio, some good ones too.

I am still tired I guess as I nodded once...and kept my eyes open for a while. I am now looking at the back of my purple armchair which is much more calming than the mess on my chest of drawers!

Metta today was an exercise from Salzburg's book which was pretty good. She talks about imagining having all the people who have love you surrounding you so that you can eventually feel loving kindness towards yourself. All metta has been outwards till now.

The last 15 mins was an homage to micro joys. The joy that I am able to practise in peace in a safe place. The joy that I am able to visit new places every so often. I also thought about dislike of people and the aversion that brings. Like is it ok to dislike someone and be equanimous or does that mean you are displaying aversion...perhaps one needs to acknowledge the irritations towards the disliked person and then be equanimous about them to avoid the suffering that aversion brings. Or are you to like everyone? Surely that is a matter of taste, culture and personality...hmmm

Anyhoo a micro joy that it is nearly the weekend but a slightly lesser micro joy that I will have to play golf in the rain tomorrow. Further micro-joys that the house was ok in my absence and no mice took residence!

Ok now for some lunch...possibly a morsel of fromage and saucisson. Have a great weekend when it comes 🐷💜🐷🐐

29/6

Week 29 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Morning all!  Last day in Lyon boohoo had a lovely time.

For some of the time observed the sensations around me, the rest of the time I used to ponder a dilemma although not quite resolved. More later perhaps. Not practice but essential for my sanity! Whilst thinking I did occasionally 'stand back' and include periphery sensations.

Will be on the train in the afternoon. Maybe have some time to practise more then.

See you in Angleterre! 🐽💜🐽

29/5

Week 29 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations

Morning all! Today 30 mins with 5 mins metta at the end.

A brief post. Today the weather is cooler so it was a little uncomfortable practising outside. I pulled the towel over my arms and it seemed better. The sun is shining though but the air is cooler. This could have been because of the huge downpour yesterday at 1830 for about an hour.

Noting was full of thoughts mingled with other sensations such as the breeze, lights and floaters in front of my eyes and low traffic noise. There appear to be occupants in the next terrace as they noisily opened the door and walked around. 

The sky is clear and we are off to the other hill today. Yesterday we went to the hill of the silk workers Croix Russe and today we will go to the religious hill Fourvière where the Basilica is.

Time to go, have a great day,
Here is a picture or two...🐽💜🐽

29/4

Week 29 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive, observe raw sensations

Morning all! A cloudy day in Lyon today but still warm enough to practice in front of the huge pot plant.

Today 30 mins with 5 metta at the end. Today I had the intention of observing raw sensations before mentally identifying  them. The main focus was human sound which turned out to be children playing in a sports ground. Intermingled with that was the traffic noise and the sound of construction in the distance - to be exact a kango drill. The children's noise reached a crescendo several times, they must have been playing a structured game. In the middle I heard a familiar sound which I identified as airplane noise.

Every so often a warm breeze would waft past my face very pleasant.  I detected a smell of food cooking.  My hands were resting on my knees and my back was intermittently aching.

Accompanied with the lights and swirls in front of my eyes, these sensations were very pleasant. For a while they all mingled together with no start or end.

Metta at 25 mins was still tough, yesterday we arrived back at the hotel after midnight and so no time to read or reflect. Need to address that tonight.

Today a walk with a local greeter in the afternoon.  Let's hope it's not raining!

Have a great day, thanks for all your well wishes and I am having a very nice time particularly since I can meditate outside which blocks out the ringing in my ears!

Á bientôt! 🐽💜🐽

29/3

Week 29 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive

Morning all! Today I am practising on the outside terrace. It is warm with a slight breeze.

45 mins with 5 mins metta. It is an urban setting and it's Monday morning everyone's back to work.

I'm a bit sniffly but managed to calm my itchy nose for most of the session.

The cacophony of urban noises in the street below are fascinating. They are intermingled with the occasional bird tweet. There must be a set of lights down below as intermittently there is a noisy bus or a speedy motor bike screaming past. There are sounds of children perhaps in a play ground shouting with excitement. Every so often a breeze wafts by and the smell of fragrance artificial or otherwise fills the air.

The noises keep me occupied with little thought and the other senses are in the periphery - breathing,smell and my hands on my knees and my feet on the ground. There is the statutory angle grinder somewhere close by.

Metta at 25 was reasonable but this week I will read Sharon Salzburg's book to understand more.

It is balmy, a little  close but pleasant enough. An angry grey cloud looms above.
Anyhoo, time for brrakfast.

A few pix from the terrace for you.

Have a great day! 🐽💜🐽

29/2

Week 29 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention to remain alert and receptive

Bon soir! Today a very brief post about my attempts at practice on various forms of transport.

I managed around 20 mins on the Eurostar this morning before succumbing to a short doze. Can't be helped if as I left the house at 0545 today. Much the same as in the tube but of course not as many stops. In fact only one at Ashford International. 

After the Chunnel I opened my eyes and mindfully gazed at the fields zooming by. They didn't look much different to English fields really. However the train was going much faster on the French side I noticed! 

Raced from Gard du Nord to Gare de Lyon and conked out on the TGV...super fast and they motion is very soperific so I'm not suporised everyone was asleep! 

Hotel room is fine, and we have a room with a terrace outside where I will meditate if it's not too chilly tomorrow morning. 

So that's it for now. My phone isn't connecting to the wifi for some reason so no photos for now.

Have a good day! 🐷💜🐷

29/1

Week 28 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive

Morning all! Today I practised for 45 mins with 5 mins metta at 25 mins.

I felt quite lively today unlike the last few days. The first sensation that I observed in noting was a fuzzy cheerful brightness in front of my eyes.  There were no patterns just light. It was of a very uplifting quality. For the first 15 mins or so I observed a lot of 'sights' in front of me my eyes. Some were plain, some had swirls of green and some were mingled in with images which are thoughts I suppose.

Today's thought content was of the things that have happened and will happen in the next few days. The scenes are as though they are happening now. They start with a memory or a planning image.  For example an image of my travel adapter came to mind. Then I saw myself packing an extension lead....never have enough sockets in a hotel room. Thanks self! Also I noted I have plenty of room in my case as I have used a method of packing which means my clothes are in a neat parcel. Marvellous or should I say merveilleux as I am off to France tomorrow.

Most of the thoughts were short scenes mixed with current images - my background on my phone, cliffs from Jurassic  World ( which I saw yesterday) and packing!

I checked in on my alertness and found that I was preparing for the checking in by perking up the alertness just before! Mmm sneaky mind eh?!

Metta at 25 mins for 5 mins was reasonable although I had to keep drawing myself to the focus. 

For the last 15 mins I kept my eyes open but on two occasions I realised my eyes had closed!  So I endeavoured to keep them open and spotted at one point that they were closing and pried them open. It's the Trooping of the Colour today (for the Queen's birthday) and I could see flashes of red and black in the corner of my eye from the telly. That explains why there was a small group of Welsh Guards marching past our office yesterday (I work near Whitehall very near Horse Guards Parade). As I write I'm waiting to see Queenie inspect the parade..oh I can see Prince Charles and The Duke of Edinburgh in their bearskins and she's just standing on a covered dais.

Anyhoo definitely more upbeat today, getting over the hormonal session last week!

Off to an exercise class shortly. You may be surprised not to hear that I'm not off to golf...occasionally I'm not in the mood 😨 usually because I have too many deadlines. Have to finish packing, get to the 40th dinner dance of the club tonight in posh frock and then up at crack o dawn to catch the Eurostar tomorrow so no time in my head for golf, particularly since the weather is a bit rubbish today.

Hope you all have a good weekend as I now march out of my house to the sound of military brass bands! 🐽💜🐽🎺🎶🎺

28/7

Week 28 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all! Today I meditated for 30 mins, 5 mins metta at the end. Concentration was low today so decided to do a shorter session.

Noting began with the usual cycle round the sensations. There are roadworks happening outside my house so I could hear the rumble of the trucks and at one point focused on the reversing beep of something. I felt tired and distracted but steeled myself to focus. No aches and pains to mention but some itches which I dealt with.

Some junk thoughts came through my head and I watched them as though they were on a screen. They start with an image and either move to the background if another sensation takes presidence or just disappears.

Concentration was not easy today, I wasn't tired just bleh.

Metta after 25 mins was tough and I kept having to steer myself back to the meditation object.

It's Friday and the road outside my house has fresh tarmac on it...mmm I love the smell of fresh tarmac! 😅

Have a great weekend! 🐽 💜 🐽

28/6
e

Week 28 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Afternoon all! Today 30 mins noting and 10 mins mindful watching.

It's a sunny day and my last day in the office this week. My friend came round to fit another two eyelets on the wall and I was wondering if I could have done it myself? Maybe next time!

I started my practice with a cycle of breath, hearing, looking and feeling. Two people speaking Eastern European language boarded at the next stop so there was a hum of chatting in the background for this part of the journey. The sun was bright and shone on my eyelids. A man sat next to me overflowing in the seat. I felt awkward and noted my irritation. Another chap sat next to me on his mobile phone. Another irritation.

The train was a bit emptier as it was later. I was tired today and felt a bit of nodding. This will be the way for this time of  my 'woman's condition'....

I decided to walk to the back of the train so that I could go to Starbucks and realised it is actually closer to the office by a smidgeon 😅

For the last portion of the journey, I was engaged in mindful watching of a mother and her two children, one in a buggy and one walking.  The frazzled mother was busy attempting to keep the two happy and they were each eating a breadstick. Seems such a nightmare having to travel with two children, buggy and all the paraphernalia!

The sun's out, I must post this now...hasta luego! 🐽💜🐽🌞

28/5

Week 28 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all! Today back to tube practice for 40 mins. At the end 5 mins metta.

Today felt quite alert but head full of thoughts. I sat eyes closed and gradually the thoughts left my head one by one. I cycled through the senses. When it came to smell a faint curry smell wafted towards me which was interrupted by someone coming to sit down next to me. I felt some fidgeting and opened my eyes to see a woman take a foam earplug out of a tin...a minute later it was in her ear. The shuffling previously must have been for the other ear plug. Unusual.

I heard the announcements which were clipped at the start of the message and the door alarms would sound before the announcement finished.  Realise now that the sound of pressured air is the mechanism for opening and closing the doors.

The connecting train arrived on the platform as soon as I alighted the first one. Today, Chinese tourists on board. The woman opposite me had a plethora of notebooks and was leafing through each of them scribbling notes. I noticed her huge handbag had a laptop in it as well.

I practised some metta towards the end, must read the books, I struggle with this form of meditation. Sometimes I think I've got it and at other times I'm not so sure.

Mood neutral today, possible grumpy. Anyway happy Hump Day! Nearly the weekend.

28/4

Week 28 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention to remain alert

Good evening all! Today 30 mins of practice, 10 mins metta after 15 mins and then at the end.

Had a day of  golfing with mixed feelings today, so pretty tired. Was so excited At the start but did not live up to expectations so that is a equanimous lesson learned - you can only experience true contentment when you stay in the present. 

Lots of nodding happened today, I struggled with tiredness but decided to continue. I renewed my intention to stay alert many times. My mood was not very upbeat so thoughts of situations with unpleasant vedana passed through my mind. 

I had thoughts of not continuing after 15 mins but when the bell went I decided to add a bit of metta practice for 5 minutes.  I had some strong focused feelings but had to revisit my meditation object frequently. After a few minutes of metta, I decided to do an extra 10 minutes of noting. I felt the overwhelming down mood press on me, and then I noticed my hands on my knees and my breathing in the periphery. The bell went at 25 mins so I did another 5 minutes of metta which was just as tough as the first lot. 

Tiredness does not promote alertness, so walking meditation may be the only option if low energy means that I'm basically trying to nap when I sit down! 

Anyhoo after good night's sleep and hopefully with better mood, I can attack the tube meditation with vigour tomorrow morning! Haaaaaaiiiiiiyah! 😆

Happy practising everyone! 🐷😴🐷

28/3

Week 28 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention to remain alert and receptive

Afternoon all! Today I meditated for around 45 mins on two tubes and a platform. Today’s practice was tinged with Monday morning tiredness. I attempted to push myself into alertness by cycling round the senses – listening, seeing, smelling, feeling. Today’s lowlights were sharp elbows of a very small woman and the smell of cigarettes. I believe that each time I was squidged by her elbow she was adjusting her hair (which was lovely…).

The sun shone and it was so bright, that as we stopped at a station, it shone on my back and I thought the heating had come on!

Hearing: I heard the usual tube noises, but I noticed the sound of a burst of compressed air (pneumatic brakes?) before the doors closed each time.

Smelling: Cigarette smell, no perfume alas

Seeing: Bright light and as a consequence floaters in my eyes

Feeling: I had my wrists crossed as I was trying to make myself as narrow as possible to about pokeages. Felt a bit awkward.

Thoughts about the past and future occurred. I need to plan this next weekend carefully and be ready before it arrives.

The platform yielded a mild breeze today with no bacon smell. The poster ad reminded me of when I studied To Kill A Mockingbird as a youth - I have an aversion to what I studied in English Literature, the teacher made the subject dry and crusty...only highlight was one day he was reading to the class from Far From The Madding Crowd, Bathsheba was talking about Francis Troy.." what a gay man he is!" There were sounds of stifled laughter as 37 years ago the word  "gay" was just about coming into vernacular. We were also all waiting for him to read it because the teacher was very good at female voices being rather effeminate himself...and loved reading aloud. I can even remember the exact location of the words on that page!

Next train came and this time Italians and then Spanish tourists were on board. I decided to try metta for a few minutes with limited success.

Roll on the evening.

Have a fab day and practice! 🐽 💜 🐽

28/2

Week 28 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all!  This morning all good intentions went out the window so I ate breakfast  (which is unusual anyway) and left for the golf course.  We had a 40th anniversary round with 80 people in the field. We came 2nd last haha...a couple of my team were loving the trees.. not good for the score! But missed many opportunities to close out.

Today's meditation was 45 mins 5 mins  metta at the end.

I was tired and after only 10 mins was nodding off, so I decided to open my eyes. When that didn't work I stood  up and when that didn't work I started walking. Slowly. As slowly as possible.

Interestingly because I was focusing in taking the smallest slowest steps, I was able to focus in on the physical movement of walking and be aware of the periphery as well. As I walked from the bedroom to the hallway to the kitchen, different sensations came into the field. Firstly I had taken my slippers off to walk barefoot and each time I left the bedroom I had to walk over the slippers. This was a test of not meddling with the environment. Furthermore when I entered the narrow kitchen, my coat brushed against my arm with a swishing sound and this was highly irritating - another opportunity to accept things as they are. I had left some cauliflower cheese out to cook and I thought how easy it would be for me to pop that in the oven etc...but I resisted - putting food in the oven is not part of walking meditation! As I turned around to go back I could see various items on the  counters all beckoning me to deal with them! A fascinating yearning to sort things out!

The laminate flooring creaks more at certain spots mainly in the hallway.  Each circuit took around 4 mins which is verrry slow. It was interesting to watch every footfall, listen to every breath and to hear the clock get louder and louder as I  approached it. Usually I do not like ticking clocks but you can judge for yourself...I call it the Barcelona fried egg in honour of where I bought it.

Throughout the practice little thought came through except to maintain balance and put one foot in front of the other. The floor was cool and smooth and I planted my heel before the rest of the foot.

I could hear my neighbours talking upstairs, the heating going off and on, the ticking clock, the creeeeeeak creeaaak of the floors. Something not to do in a power cut in the dark might be the makings of a horror story!

The time went by super fast and I was pretty alert.

Fascinating to walk so mindfully across a piece of floor I'm backwards and forwards on all the time.

Sat down for metta practice, managed on and off to feel the feeling but the moment the energy of the walking was gone I started to drift.

Ok now.. not quite the end of the weekend so it's Happy Sunday and Happy end of the evening to you! Cauliflower going back in the fridge, fast food is in order! 🐽💜🐽

28/1

Week 27 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive

Afternoon all! Posting late..Today I practised for just under 40 mins as I need to dash off to the club and wanted to write up first.

Noting this morning was filled with thoughts of a friend who is celebrating her 50th. My Facebook time line will be flooded with posts about it etc. I recalled how different my 50th was. Although I do have a few friends as I am single there is little fuss on birthdays in recent times. I noted my attachment and longing for this abundance of excitement that used to come when I was a child. The one stalwart who remembers is my darling mother who has always is watching over me.

Anyway enough self pity! Noting was in my safe place, as I cycled through the senses I noticed that the ringing in my ears was subdued. It could be that I am a bit bunged up due to allergies today. I listened out for the usual frequencies but they were not there.

Swirls appeared in front of my eyes in green and purple.

My neighbours were providing a running commentary upstairs. There was some birdsong in the distance. No backpain today - a micro joy.

Ok update on big rock activity. The 3 big rocks yesterday were 1 Open the shed door 2 mow the lawn 3 put clothes back in drawers. I managed to accomplish all three plus a partial clear out of the fridge! Yeeehaaa! The birds had gone but their deposits had not.

Metta practice was strong for the few minutes I did it. Possibly finally can recall the metta feeling repeatedly.

Have a very Happy Non Birthday today, hope it's filled with mega and micro joys! 🐽💜🐽

27 / 7

Week 27 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to be receptive to all sensations

Afternoon all! Today 45 mins practice. First time ever felt slight reluctance to practice, did a bit of procrastinating but after 10 mins got on with it.

I am very tired this morning and to be honest vexed about going into the shed to get the lawn mower! I'm not good with wildlife so do not know what to expect when I open the door! As a recap I discovered that a robin had made its nest in my shed two weeks ago, so hopefully they will have moved out by now as fledgings were staring at me through the gap in the shed door at that time!

I acknowledged my weariness and noted my aversion to this future activity at the start. In fact my focus moved onto my weariness and I mused about why I was so tired and lethargic.  I think that more exercise this week and the stress of wondering whether to extend this work contract is taking its toll. I am in essence an over analyser but in my mind staying makes sense but in feeling I think it is going to be bad. Not easy when one has this dichotomy of heart and mind. As a consequence a lot of thoughts came into my mind. I let them drift through and observed the vedana each presented. Not always pleasant and they were mainly about the state of my house. It has become somewhat of a junk yard since I have been working long hours and trying to fit in meditation with golf both of which are not five minute jobs.

Thoughts always present themselves as happening now and then I mentally elaborate that they are past or future thoughts. Also current thoughts of verbalising occurred throughout this practice as though I needed to persuade myself to keep going.

For some reason it was visitor and phone call season, two cold calls and my neighbour. I tried to remain mindful during the dialogues and returned to practice immediately except when the neighbour called in there was only 15 seconds to go on the timer.

The bell went for metta and I felt I could focus on the feelings of metta for a few minutes. This is good as often the metta is fractured. Today my efforts of focus on the object seemed to yield a strong sensation for the alloted time. As the bell went for 30 mins I decided to continue with a final 15 minutes of noting. I felt happier after the metta and renewed my intentions to be on the present. And to observe some micro-joys maybe? I cycled through the senses and tried to move from one sensation to the next without drifting. It moved smoothly for about 5 minutes then I struggled with thoughts about time. In the end I peeked and there was only 1 min 40 seconds left...Then of course my neighbour pressed the doorbell with 15 seconds to go. I sat for a few seconds debating whether to ignore her, but thought I should do the neighbourly thing and answered the door. I listened to her as neutrally as I could as she was asking me about the house insurance  (blah blah blah) which only reminded me that I needed to sort the lease out. My neighbours rely on me to do this legal stuff as they don't really have a clue. More stress.

In the words of a work process: Risk: There is a risk that build up of stress will result in overload of thoughts and demotivation to do anthing. Mitigation: a) Daily meditation b) Daily Big Rock action plan required to rein in house chaos and other key goals. c) write down pros and cons of staying in job d) open shed door..😨.

Will update tomorrow!

Glad to share with you and thanks for reading! 🐽💜🐽

27/6

Week 27 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Good morning all!  Today I practised for around 30 mins. The weather is fine and the pollen is out in force, so I feel a bit bunged up and sleepy.

I started my tube medi almost as soon as I got on the train. It took me a couple of stops to become focused after a few sneezes. As ever planning thoughts were in my head. As they cleared I cycled through the senses quickly and eventually dropped into zone 2 (using London Underground terminology) - which I define as peripheral awareness good, alertness a bit fuzzy. Two women got on and sat opposite me and I thought they would chat, but instead one went on her phone and the other read the newspaper. As my neighbour to my right fidgeted a waft of pleasant perfume came my way. I heard a strange noise and realise that it was my neighbour clearing his throat, he answered a call and then I confirmed that the noise came from him!

About half way through I felt the phone vibrate in my bag indicating a call, I looked at it, and it was a supplier who works with us. I resisted the temptation to answer as I was actually not yet in the office. I figured - not a lot that I can do if I'm not there, if I get involved, I'll end up having to interrupt my practice and then be grumpy. I actually was already irritated that she called me so even though I settled back down to meditate, there was a dark mood over me. My boss had arranged a meeting without asking me to babysit it (since he is not in the office today), so as they say..."I know nothing..." except I am Lizipedia...and I always know what's happening. Far too reliable, must fix that. Any tips?

As we pulled into Hammersmith, I saw my connecting train coming in on the next platform, and I managed to hop on and grab a seat. As I looked at my phone (no text message or voicemail left from supplier), I then saw the call id of my boss calling me. Nope, not answering! Feeling particularly non-collaborative today. Usually I would be rushing to answer these calls, but as I wasn't at work yet and I was still in meditation mode, I just watched the call disappear...and then he called again! Still after the calls, no message or voicemail left, so I would have received the steaming pile of !*£&!" on my lap and would not be able to resolve anything as I went out of service going underground. I mindfully mused apon my actions, pondering whether I really should extend this contract or not (not necessarily working for this current boss - who is lovely by the way) because at the moment, I simply am not bothered. My boss was probably sitting in his outdoor garden office in his house in Greece, so as I am now sitting in an enclosed office looking of the window in polluted London - do not feel bad for him!

I returned to practice. The little black cloud was still over my head, and today, no tourists were on the train for me to observe. The train seemed empty today - it's a Thursday - start of the weekend for some maybe? And the journey was a bit of a blur for a bit, until i decided to start writing this post up - still with black cloud overhead.

I feel I have more energy as I have done two exercise classes this week (wahay!). The downside is that my knee hurts. Can I get a replacement leg please from The Island?

Ah this is but a rambling tome. I may go home and nurse my knee and meditate again in a more conducive mood and environment. However, I must accept that practice is as it is, and even though I feel it's not "productive" enough, it shows that life goes on around me, even if I've put the sign up "Please do not disturb!".

Have a great day and practice! 🐽 💜 🐽

27/5

Week 27 Day 4

Medi object - choiceless awareness

Intention - to remain alert

Morning all! Around 30 minutes. Today I started my tube meditation a few stops later as I was distracting trying to plan my evening, so I continued it until my assigned stop.

Although intention was strong, the thoughts of planning were still in my head at the start and it took me a while to wade through the web of them. After that I noticed that the train was unusually quiet no people on phones and onerous smells. Was I dreaming?

As I got off to catch my connecting train - the frosty breeze across the platform greeted me and the faint smell of cooking bacon was mingled in. I sat on the bench with my eyes closed and tried to be equanimous with the icing process that was going on on my right side.

The train came quickly and was fairly empty and I found one of those single seats next to the door, I had crossed my arms due to the cold and continued to cross my arms, I noted that to the left of me, the metal panel was very cold so I made sure I didn't lean on it. As I crossed my arms, I absent-mindedly prodded my right bicep and experienced an exquisite pain - the type that has both pleasant and unpleasant vedana. I stopped prodding and refocused.

Today there was a French family sitting near by. Just two couples this time, no children. They spoke quietly though, unlike the majority of tourists who think that when they are not in their own country they are in an empty warehouse and the locals around them are mannikins!

I was drawn to focus on the sensations from my crossed arms because I don't usually do that. Besides the prodding of the bicep, I could feel my arms pressing onto my belly as I breathed. It seemed vaguely comforting as though I was in a coccoon. I heard some voices and opened my eyes and was confronted with an absolutely packed train with two women standing in front of me.  How did that happen - I must have drifted off.

So today, not as alert as I would have liked, I think that I need to start meditating as soon as I start my journey and try not to be distracted by planning thoughts. Tomorrow I try again!

Have a great day and practice!

27/4

Week 27 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe detail and vedana of each sensation

Morning all! Today the weather is a bit grey and I woke up to the sad news of a well known politician's untimely early death. This reminded me that I should strike a balance of learning from the past, living in the present and planning for the future.

Today's noting session was just over 30 mins. I was immediatelhy directed to an odour of Indian spices, this was initially unpleasant and I felt uncomfortable. However the carriage was breezy so I was only drawn to it a few times particularly when the train was stationary. It was also intermingled with someone else's perfume at one point, this was definitely not an easy combo. One has to breathe so smells do not dissipate too quickly!

Again there were no station announcements until approaching Acton Town, this was not reassuring - it meant that if one has one's eyes closed one doesn't get prompted to get off at the right station! The door alarms went off in their usual pattern.

I was weary from last night, as I attempted a return to my routine of exercise classes during the week. These are pretty late so set me back two hours in the evening. The perils of a sedentary job...I can choose to head home early and become a bulbous Jabba the Hutt or exercise my ancient bones to give me a boost in fitness.

Thoughts pervaded the practice mid session, at one point I asked myself was I really meditating or just thinking? I slapped myself across the face with wet fish (figuratively) and renewed intentions.

I got off the train at Hammersmith and a small breeze was blowing, but I was hit by a very famliar morning delicious smell! The one and only savoury, salty frying smell of...cooking bacon! Mmmmmm! I've smelt this a few times before at this point on the platform, there must be a cafe above. The smell makes my mouth water and brings memories of bacon sandwiches - which to be honest are always nicer in dreams than in reality.

This tube line appears to produce a lot of tourists, and today there was a family of North Americans draped around the carriage. A girl was sitting on her father's lap reading...a book! Do those exist in young people's lives now?

30DOM is now in its final throes, it seems a long time ago that I started on 7DMK. if I look back into the distance when I first started it seemed so simple then! Ha! As they say, more knowledge leads to more questions!

Thanks for the memories and thanks for all your support, I'd like to say a particular big thank you to Nick whose untiring enthusiasm and keen advice has kept us going all this time! See you in 365 DOM or in the next course!

🐽 💜 🐽

27/3

Week 27 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to notice micro-joys

Morning all!

Today my intention is to notice micro joys. The weather today is sunny with clear blue skies! Micro joy! The guy next to me is spoiling my micro joy by talking loudly on his phone. I feel angst and irritation because my focus is drawn towards his voice. The sunlight dances on my eyelids no swirling today. The guy gets cut off due to poor service. Micro joy and relief! The focus now is on the familiar whining noise of the engine, the occasional thud across joined tracks (I presume), this is the noise of the underground. I listened to the announcements but they disappeared from my periphery for a few stops...ooops la-la land. Mondays isn't so good for alertness. Whilst I scrabbled back to reality, I checked in with the sense cycle - breathing, hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling. Breathing was short and sharp, hearing was a cacophony of sounds - voices, train noises, strange knocking sounds, smelling - no perfume smell except when I got on - my nose is blocked so potential subtle smell is lost, feeling - my right hand grips my wrist around my handbag, I feel softness of the seat against the back of my legs and my back, and my feet are flat on the floor. Phew - micro joy that periphery is back!

Continuting my exploration on the train platform between trains, the advert for the audio book is inviting me to read it - my mind goes to thoughts of the classics I should read. The platform is cool but the breeze isn't blowing today - micro joy! I step onto the train and get a seat straight away - microjoy, and continue to practice. Microjoy is spoilt by guy speaking loudly. When I realise he's actually speaking to someone next to him I feel less irritated. Half English, half an Indian continental language. Even that stops after a while, although a further mega unjoy when he decides to blow his nose with great vigour. Eew. I glance at him and he is still applying tissue. Less of a unjoy - at least he is using a tissue and not sniffing! I hear a loud voice - it is a German boy shouting across to his mother. At first I wasn't sure if it was German, but a few minutes later I caught some familiar words. The mother was standing opposite me and was wearing a blue waterproof which was really short and didn't go fit over her t-shirt. I wondered if that was a fashion statement as it appeared to fit her well (a bit like the inside out cardigan that isn't inside out). Micro joy humour.

I decided to try metta because the carriage was quiet. I managed to focus on the awww factor on and off, I had to stop as the guy next to me had resumed his nose job which completely wiped out any loving kindness from my mind. Hopefully I did not cast too disparaging a look at him. 

Not in the formal practice, but micro joys continued as I got off the train, a woman in front of me was wearing zebra leggings - micro joy humour! A man in the queue in front of me in the breakfast shop was wearing his tweed flat cap backwards thinking he was cool - micro joy giggle! The server at the counter greeted me cheerfully and one of the other ones recognised me..awww micro joy - I love that shop. Came out into the sunshine and the art nouveau signs and the buildings against the sun - mega joy. I approached the office (a little unjoy), as I walked to my desk a micro joy for an air-conditioned office which is usually never too hot or cold. Now I am about to make a cup of roobois tea - micro joy!

Have a great day full of micro joys! 🌻💜🌻

27/2

t

Week 27 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and challenged for long practice.

Afternoon all!  Today I took up the challenge to do a longer practice. If I do this 30 DOM course again I might have to set aside a morning!  Today I made it to the 90 minute mark just. I thought I had set my timer to chime every 15 mins but only set it to chime at 15 mark so that was another distraction.

I did see some thoughts arise and they were mainly triggered by images.  They were of the glass festival yesterday. I wasn't in the thoughts but they were pretty junky thoughts anyway.

The main sensation after 30 mins was that of mild back pain I did have to stretch a bit during the session. 

In the middle of the practice there was a portion with a different feel,  focused but relaxed.

I saw some different patterns in front if my eyes a blue star shape in the middle and the green swirls over laid it. I did return to seeing sensations frequently.

Neighbours were walking about and arguing again,  birdsong in vigour for 5 mins or so, some car noises and the washing machine going. It's on its last legs so the complete alarm is more like a little beep instead of the proper long alarm and that remained for the last 15 mins.

The only nod occurred after 60 mins but no more nods besides that.   Mins 30 to 60 were challenging I had to extricate myself from thought a few times.

Towards the end the thoughts I observed were planning thoughts. 

For the last 30 mins I practiced with my eyes open and a few times they closed but I caught them as they were closing and renewed alertness intention.  The sensations feel different with the eyes open, I could see my arms and they looked like blocks (blurry with my glasses off).

Anyhoo a bit rambling this post is,  quite difficult to remember which order the sensations came in. Well...I survived! And not bored either.

Metta for the last 5 minutes was so so. I did have to keep dragging myself back to the meditation focus.

Ok must post as off to the cinema. 6 months ago I could just about practice for 15 mins...so have I become a block of concrete or have I improved? 😆

Hasta Luego!

🐽💜🐽

27/1

Week 26 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and observe the arising and passing of each sensation

Evening all! A late post and a practice in two bits 15 mins in the morning and 30 mins just now.

This morning, metta was strong for a few minutes.  Thought trails entered immediately upon noting..about robins and planning. When my awareness moved to the ringing in my ears I had one rogue sound wave in my right ear which was higher and seemed louder.

Other focus was the warmth of the blamnket and some machiney whirring noises. I felt the coolness of the floor on the feet.

This evening the first sensation I felt was palpatations and the pulse went through my chest and up to the sides of my head. It was the dominant sensation for first 5 mins or so. A thought arose but it was a junk one, I observed the sharp image of the stranger's face and then it disappeared.

The pulsing was of unpleasant vedana as though it was in the way. By the end of the practice the palpatations had gone (but when did they go? ). I started to have thoughts about the time. Possibly because I was tired and drifted into thought once. I tried to observe a few micro joys...I had no backpain and felt content about today's activities. 😀.

I started to feel hot so removed blanket. I dealt with a few itches.

Then the radiator became very active so I listened to the clicking noises towards the end. My neighbours put down the sofa bed as usual at the time of the night. 

I felt very thirsty and thought about a drink. I felt the warmth on my knees and tingling in my fingers.

I practiced metta at the end, did have to keep refocusing but I keep trying!

Have a good night! A few photos from the Glass Festival today. 🐽💜🐽

26/7