Week 14 Day 3
Medi object choiceless
Intention labelling clearly
Afternoon
all. Phew what a day! Just finished scoffing my ______ {fill in the
gap...you know I love em} after a frantic day trying to get all things
done. Ran a meeting, updated all documents relating to that meeting,
Plus set something up early, so no need to worry about that tomorrow.
Today's
practice was better than yesterday, in that it was not so dispersed. I
labelled frantically and managed to note quite a few sounds but they
don't half come at once! Sights, feelings, smells - I believe someone
let out a tube fart (argh! I had to be equanimously receptive).
Unfortunately I went down a planning thought rabbit hole but managed to
extricate myself from it. Second half of tube journey I was standing and
when a seat came free and I was too far away for me to get to it, I
cursed - is this attachment! As I stood I was musing about solidity and
impermanence. Is Ingram saying that EVERYTHING is impermanent and that
we are all made up of tiny vibrations? I'm reading page 17 (again). It
states "Things come and go. Nothing lasts for even an instant! Absolute
transience is truly the fundamental nature of experiential reality".
Ooookay. So I'm trying to think that only what I sense exists. So if I
can't feel my hands, then they don't exist (at that instant).
I
guess we all think everything lasts forever. My mother grew up from
aged 12 in a flat in downtown Kowloon (Hong Kong). 40 years later, the
landlord managed to evict them. They moved to the place they now live in
(they don't like moving around much...). I had lived most of my Hong
Kong life in that flat. I was in the UK already as they moved out. I
returned a year later...the building had been razed to the ground, a
year later a 30 storey hotel was in its place! Ok so this is rather
chunky as an example, but for me it demonstrates that the things you
think are going to be there forever, disappear in an instant. Mind you
the place I lived in at Muswell Hill between age 0 to 6, is still there!
May be reality is different in London than it is in Hong Kong!
Ok back to the grind! Speak later!
Wednesday, March 04, 2015
Tuesday, March 03, 2015
Week 14 Day 2
Week 14 Day 2
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe raw sensations, labelling accurately
Today's tube practice was a bit dispersed. I tried the
same labelling method as yesterday but it was tough, I had to open my
eyes for a bit, not sure why. I tried noting the rising and falling of
my breath and then the sounds, feelings and sights I sensed. There were
loads of sounds almost too many to note ...still have to work out how to
stop vocalising. It was still pretty exciting, but the noise did make
it harder. Thoughts of work planning came and went. I whatsapped my
mother first as well so only meditated for around 25 mins or so. But
wanted to find out about Dad. Anyhoo, I've had such a crazy day, I
really wanted to practise before starting work. So I felt a bit on
edge.
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe raw sensations, labelling accurately
I'm starting to try to do some present
moment sensing, eg sensing my feet, how they feel on the ground, and
getting used to the idea that these sensations are impermanent and
during practice if you don't feel it, it doesn't exist...now that's hard
to take in. So used to feeling everything is solid. In yoga we talk
about grounding the hands and feet, to have good solid contact on the
ground. But every sensation doesn't last. And by the time you are
conscious of it, it's gone...pooof!
It also
means that suffering doesn't last either. The craving, the pain, the
anxiety. The mental construct that is "I" makes us suffer. Well, I need
to ponder on that, and work out whether that true for me.
As
I was standing on the tube today, there was a man muttering to
himself...Man talking to himself never a good sign. I did look hard to
see if he had an ear piece, but he opened his bag and took his pass out
of a plastic wallet...umm OCD? My colleague does it as well, it sounds
like Gollum!
Hopefully after a good night's rest, will be ready to face tomorrow's practice! Let's be 'aving yer!
Week 14 Day 1
Week 14 Day 1
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe raw sensations and label, then focus on fingers
Good
morning! Today I practiced 30 minutes with the intention of splitting
the practice between general noting and more focused viewing. I started
labelling, the rising and falling of the breath, hearing feeling,
seeing. I noticed that I vocalised these labels in my mind. I could go
quite quickly probably about 4 a second. To go faster, I tried to stop
vocalising as much and just use the word 'note' to replace the labels
but still I felt that I was thinking about the words. And so I noted
that I was noting! 😁 I observed the purple and green swirls in front of
my eyes as well my neighbours arguing, itching, the heating system,
again and again and then I noted about half way through that the heating
system was missing. I listened out for it in anticipation in each cycle
of breath but for a few minutes it wasn't there. This led me to think
upon what I read in the last few days about when the sensation isn't
present it doesn't exist. Yep labelled that thinking and told myself to
get on with the job in hand. 15 minutes went by very quickly, my mind
was very alert, it was quite exciting.
I continued to note
in the last 15 minutes, but I also focused my attention on my hands and
index fingers. I felt a pulsing and buzzing through my index fingers
possibly momentarily not feeling one but the other. I mainly felt the
right index finger and not the left. When the bell went I returned
briefly to noting and saw the swirling in front of my eyes and heard
breathing, felt the tension in my chest, heard my neighbours, and then I
decided to finish.
Very energising today, more momentum,
more labelling, less wondering WTF I was doing. More attention.
Definitely less time for thoughts to enter into the mind, and if they
did it was quite straightforward to label them as such. I did have some
thoughts and labelled them and then moved on. None of the thoughts were
particularly attention grabbing.
This invigoration could
be due that I am refreshed after my slobbing out day yesterday and the
events of friday are leaving my mind. Note to self, work on getting a
job that permits alternate duvet days!
Going out to play a
round of golf ⛳ it looks like the sun is shining! I hope that you all
have a lovely day, and I look forward to reading your posts when I get
home. 🐽💜🐽
Intention observe raw sensations and label, then focus on fingers
Week 13 day 7
Week 13 day 7
Meditation object breath, thoughts
Intention note start middle and end, label all sensations, observe thoughts as sensation not looking into content
Today's
meditation was split into 2 parts. The first I focused mainly on the
breath and the second half I did some index finger exercise and focusing
on thoughts.
I observed the breath and all its parts and
noticed the beginning, somewhere in the middle , and the end of each
breath. I noted that sometimes the sensation of breath disappeared the
end of the out breath.
I also noted interesting swirling of purple and green in front of my eyes and I focused on this for a while.
Without
vocalising, it was quite easy to notice the passage of breath rising
and falling in my abdominal area. Although I found it easier to follow
it up to my neck at the end of the in breath and then down to my abdomen
at the end of the out breath.
Time went quickly, and 15 minutes soon passed. Not sure if I managed to sense any more than 4 or 5 parts...definitely not a chain of sensations. ..
In the
second half of the practice I thought that I would experiment with
looking at thoughts and their beginning and end. I found myself delving
into the content of one thought, but tried to back out when I realised I
was dreaming. It was definitely more confusing as I have not used
thoughts in this way. I also for a few minutes focused on my index
fingers and having re read the passage in the book several times I tried
to feel when I actually felt the fingers. I noticed that there was a
buzzing and that maybe I caught it just once or twice that there was a
sensation of one index finger and not the other. The idea that
sensations are impermanent and that the mental image the finger happens
after the physical sensation has gone is quite mind blowing . I may
need to eat bancakes to muse on this 😂
This practice was
quite energizing, and I now realise that in order for me to develop, it
is useful to understand the theory behind the practice. I have spent
nearly 3 months meditating without really understanding what we are
aiming for. Feels good but needs a higher purpose. And reading Ingram's
book has boosted my knowledge and has nudged my practice on just a bit.
However I will have to keep re reading that section about the three
characteristics! It's dense!
Well it's nearly 2 p.m. And I
have spent the morning reading and practicing. I got further than page
16 thankfully and there are so many interesting things to try, I will
have to keep rereading.
I think the aha that I have
obtained in the last few days is that the practice must be at the
sensate level, and that I have a tendency to try and interpret and
analyse everything I do. However it is not useful to be interpreting the
practice but just to experience it. I need to evaluate the practice
based on the goals that we received at the end of 30 DOM which really
were just about being mindful in the present moment. Nothing else,
nothing fancy, just accepting observation of sensations at the time of
practice. I'll need to refresh those goals in my head before I become
some whacky geekoid who frantically draws on books foaming at the mouth
and occasionally waves a golf bat around...oooooarrrrrr me mateys. I
have just blurted this out hope you are not in a coma...if you are
..Wake Up and Eat the Roses! hehe I have a card with a picture of a
donkey eating roses with that saying in it! And talking of
eating...mmmmm 🐽💜🐽
You are all beautiful inside and out...jus ' sayin'
Meditation object breath, thoughts
Intention note start middle and end, label all sensations, observe thoughts as sensation not looking into content
Time went quickly, and 15 minutes soon passed. Not sure if I managed to sense any more than 4 or 5 parts...definitely not a chain of sensations. ..
Week 13 Day 6
Week 13 Day 6
Meditation object index fingers then choiceless
Intention observe raw sensations
Week 13 Day 6
Week 13 Day 6
Meditation object index fingers then choiceless
Intention observe raw sensations
Late
meditation today, resulted in some nodding and I decided the stop at 25
mins as I was falling asleep. No time to practice or to breathe today
non stop. I sat with my hands on my knees and I observed my index
fingers, I felt some buzzing and tried to feel them alternately. I did
move from one finger to the other quickly as Ingram suggested like table
tennis but I wasn't sure what I felt. I did this for 15 mins and then
moved to general noting. Today was fidgety but I determined to sit, I
felt my breathing, my nodding and thoughts, non specific, some odd ones.
Anyway a bit of a non event today, felt neutral calm and ready for the
weekend!
Week 13 Day 5
Week 13 Day 5
Meditation objects - index fingers, breath
Intention: To feel raw sensations and impermanence
Best
laid plans of mice and men went very pear shaped. I really wanted to
post before I got drowned in work but it just didn't happen. After
reading Ingram's book, as I read past page 16 there was an aha moment.
Ingram talks about mainly focusing on sensate level I order to progress
in this type of practice. His exercises on page 16 and 17 are really
interesting and so I decided to give the first one a try.
My
meditation object today was my two index fingers. I couldn't put them
on my knees but I ended up clasping my hands. I still managed to keep
peripheral awareness of breathing and other noises but paid attention to
my fingers. This is an exercise in impermanence, as our sensation of a
solid finger is made up of infinite sensations all joined up together by
our very clever brain. Or rather that is the only way our 'mind' can
cope. I tried to see if I could notice the sensation of each finger
alternately. I felt some buzzing and I was focusing on one and the the
other...but it was tough! Well that kept me occupied for the whole
journey and I even tried it on the way home just now. Trying hard to
feel those raw sensations really kept me alert. In fact after the
meditation I was completely buzzing and seemed to be super observant. I
did have thoughts but labelled them as such and sometimes they would
interfere but I just labelled them and went back to the fingers. I also
tried feeling sensations of the breath but that seemed much harder. He
also suggested observing the front and the back of your head but it
seems weird but I don't really feel them!
After
reading the text about impermanence, I understood that our mind labels a
sensation after it's actually gone to form what we call
consciousness... A string of sensations from an solid group of
sensations. Mind blowing.,Ingram's book is extremely dense so it's a
very slow read but really worthwhile. It'll late but I'll read a litre
more tonight.
The Flamenco show was absolutely
fabulous. I had had a crazy day, dealing with boss's work, handing over
as yg left, trying to catch up with my mother. Oh and sorting out card
and gift for yg and when he opened it he thanked my colleague instead of
me, argh. Then as he left he dumped a pile of I collated presentations
on my lap. True to the last. I had to kick him out as I didn't have the
time to waste whilst he chatted with my colleague. Enough...
Tomorrow
will be Bisy Backson again but I think I will be saved from going into
the office (to deal with the pile of papers), I will call in a favour.
I will investigate this sensation level again tomorrow.
Week 13 Day 4
Week 13 Day 4
Medi object choiceless
Intention receptive equanimous observations of raw physical sensations and thoughts
Today tube medi was smooth. The train
was oppressively full from very early on. I observed my breath being
there and the rising and falling was omnipresent.
I
observed a sudden extreme itch below my left nostril and thought right
you, let's be having you ala Delia Smith. I noted the intensity grew,
the urge to scratch was enormous. I mused if we have these insatiable
urges to scratch what other habitual urges do we have for other
sensations. This is our safe place to explore these things. Then another
itch appeared at the side of my head and for a while they competed
with each other bit then the side itch became more dominant and the
other one that was previously very intense faded but remained on radar.
Another itch appeared and again the intensity became dominant but the
other two remained present but no longer seemed to require attention.
The three itches cycled in attention seeking...scratch me, no scratch
me! Each time I just observed the sensation the urge faded. As this was
going on something touched my hand, I opened my eyes it was someone's
bag, I took note that I had passed the SNAT test. There was a child
being obstreperous and arguing with mother I presume but only he was
heard. As I got off two women had huge rucksacks on the floor one moved
her bag the other didn't resulting in me treading on her supposed toe
and she shouted something non English at me..I turned round but it was
too late I was already bodily on the way out of the train, next time
move yer bag lady...I've only got little legs!
Intention receptive equanimous observations of raw physical sensations and thoughts
Father now has pacemaker and is now eating strawberries...so,must be getting better.
Week 13 Day 3
Week 13 Day 3
Meditation object: choiceless
Intention: stay alert and receptive. Keep the breath inn periphery even though not main focus.
Today,
the seated meditation in the tube was awkward for some reason, so I
decided to do a standing meditation on the other tube which was much
better!
So I
boarded the train at Hammersmith station and stood in roughly the same
position for the journey with the exception of letting someone out of
their seat. The journey started in the open air before going
underground. As I looked out of the window, I noted my breathing and
then every so often my focus would turn to my feet as I would be
balancing as the train chugged along. I could feel my feet on the floor
and the floor seemed to be uneven at times. I gripped the handlebar at
elbow level. As we approached West Kensington - I watched the cables
along the wall, the purple ones (my favourite colour). I saw some grey
square bags...they looked like body bags but I think they were just
holding some rubble or rubbish on the track side. Two Cantonese speakers
got on at Earl's Court and stood next to me trying to work out where
they needed to go. I observed the signs, the one closest to me said
Priority Seat. I love typography and the London Underground use a
special font. The dots on the i's are diamonds, I love that detail. As
we pulled into Sloane Square (I think) there was an ad on the wall which
said "You'll find someone who will like your "dad" jokes....join us
at...and then the text was so dark you couldn't read it. (match.com
advert) Hmmm a typographical erreur Monsieur. Then next to the advert
was a sign saying "Sand bin"...I had been pondering my conversation with
Andrea about starting a non-meditation related blog, and I thought I
might title them with phrases and words that I see on the underground.
As we went underground, I observed a fuzzy reflection of myself in the
window. I thought how my jowls had grown over the years and that I
didn't realise that my mouth had become so downturned when closed. I did
try to rectify that but short of grinning it was very difficult to make
it neutral...must be the jowls! I didn't realise how much I had to
balance on my feet whilst standing, it felt like I was on a surf board!
So not sure if that constitutes a practice or if it means than I was
practising mindful standing! Anyhoo...it was fun to be able to use the
eyes to observe.
Week 13 Day 2
Week 13 Day 2
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe raw sensations without conceptualising
Evening
all! Today's tube practice was again on a quieter train which was very
pleasant vedana. After reading Holly's post I thought I would
investigate the breath more. I definitely had to be relaxed otherwise
the breath seemed a bit forced. Looking for start middle and end was
fascinating. ..as Holly said middle could be everything in between
start and end! I then remembered Nick saying that the breath is actually
made up of infinitesimal parts joined together. That helped because I
imagined that a breath was cut into little pieces...However. ..that is
conceptualising!
Even if I think about it now it does depend how long my breath is to whether I could spot the middle before reaching the end.
The air was cold and I felt a shiver...but was it down my spine as they say? It does ripple down the body but seems to radiate out down the arms...Thoughts of gratitude about my health, job and life came through my head. I sat for a while and listened into people's activities. ..There was a child reading out a phone number. I listened closely to the announcements and the voice of dulcet tones. I'm wondering if this is the woman that got sacked for making up silly announcements...how do you get a job like that?
Today was busy but not frantic.
Yg confusion, he said he may not be going on 6th March, argh. But my
boss said the programme will noy pay for them after that date. I had
lots of tasks relating to the workshops last week but I managed to whizz
through them. Da boss was in grumpy mode, but really nothing too
bad..but the whole team was trying to comfort (or maybe sedate! him).
My
father is getting an angiocardiogram tomorrow and hopefully we will
find out the prognosis then. Mum says he seems better but still very
weak. However my father is not one for rallying round, his spirit is
weak. My mother said he was brave...I don't think he has a choice, but
doesn't have the motivation to do much else.
The District
and Circle line are down, I ended up taking a bus to Leicester Square
and then getting on the Piccadilly line there. I had a momentary
craving for Chinese desserts but as I was walking down the stairs I let
it pass. I never go to Leicester Square without going to the cake shop,
so there's a turnout for the books!
I saw an ad for a new show for Ruby Wax.. here it is...!
http://www.rubywax.net/tour.html
She has done a masters in mindfulness based cognitive therapy Nickolas Grabovac just for interest.
I
will go to one of the shows and report back...anyone want to join me? 2
to 14 March...I like her anyway. And it's just round the corner from
work! Result!🐽💜🐽
Intention observe raw sensations without conceptualising
Even if I think about it now it does depend how long my breath is to whether I could spot the middle before reaching the end.
The air was cold and I felt a shiver...but was it down my spine as they say? It does ripple down the body but seems to radiate out down the arms...Thoughts of gratitude about my health, job and life came through my head. I sat for a while and listened into people's activities. ..There was a child reading out a phone number. I listened closely to the announcements and the voice of dulcet tones. I'm wondering if this is the woman that got sacked for making up silly announcements...how do you get a job like that?
Monday, February 23, 2015
Week 13 Day 1
Week 13 Day 1
I've passed the 12 week mark. When does something become a habit? 6 weeks, 10 weeks, 6 months? Hope it will still be as enjoyable in another 12 weeks!
Week 12 Day 7
Week 12 Day 7
Now tummy and golf awaits. Actually shower first...scritchy scratchy...
Week 12 Day 6
Week 12 Day 6
Medi object choiceless
Intention notice aversion and attachment 8 mins metta, 20 mins noting
Intention notice aversion and attachment 8 mins metta, 20 mins noting
Good evening! Today has been an unintentionally busy one. I was preparing the outputs from the workshops and also minding young grad's writing. So after that was done I dashed off to physio, then shopped...no pork scratchings still and then came back sat down did more work then had to clear fridge out as hole at back had blocked etc etc too yawnage to mention. I then prepared swede and potato mash and finally sat to meditate.
Metta today was the usual although I am getting more used to focusing on the feeling that evolves from thinking about loved ones,
Today's noting was quiet and a bit noddy. I have to accept this when I meditate in the evenings, I even lifted my arms up for 30 seconds, helped for a bit. I was hearing my breathing which was long short whatever. I also had some thoughts of my family and of yg and tried to be equanimous. For those who don't know he is leaving us on 6th March as his agency call off contract expires then. He started with another lad, and when I look at the list that the other guy has to hand over, I realise that we drew the short straw! Anyhoo...let me finish the journal of the practice. I wanted to note the point that I was about the drift off and managed a couple of times. There were no thought trails just thoughts. And tiredness. And damn itches, which we are all trying to be equanimous about! I am trying to be receptive and if it means I notice that I'm tired then so be it. I felt quite calm and chilled, that is a nice feeling, I am looking forward to dinner...steak! I peeked and there was about 30 seconds to go so I think this is a good duration for me at the moment.
I watched some of the vids on Nick's YouTube channel about stress and sugar cravings yesterday. He explains that sometimes outbursts are a result of an underlying feeling, in his case worry for his daughter. I thought about my relationship with yg. And I wonder if it is because I am resentful of his presence that I get angry. I resent the fact that my boss foisted him on me so that I have had to mother and coach him as well as doing my own work. Perhaps initially I felt resentful that he should be doing some of my favourite activities whilst I ended up with the tough ones. Also I note that my boss, although he agrees with me in private, does not show the same hostility in public....he is a bit of a wheeler dealer. It often gets him into trouble as he gets landed with a lot of extra work as he only complains when he's at the end of his tether. I am much more straightforward. I have a high work capacity and as long as I am able to control my destiny ie if I have an appointment I can leave to get to it, I don't care how long I work. However it did start to get a bit wearing when I was the only one in the office at 9pm. 7 ok...but 9 means I don't get back until 2230 a bit too much. Anyway, in the remaining time he is with us I will attempt to practice mindfulness. I have observed my resentfulness, my aversion. And these feelings are impermanent. This is the theme across both videos...cravings and anger do not last. Like the itches.
My father is recovering but looks sad. My mother says he is confused. I think he may need a pacemaker. I've see a few pix of him, he looks like he's been punched in the face, and where he hit the ground I think his glasses cut him on his face, above his eyebrows and below one eye. Poor guy...Anyway more in the Chitty chat.
Week 12 Day 5
Week 12 Day 5
Medi object choiceless
Intention to observe periphery clearly
Morning all! This morning I am on an early empty tube and now I am on a freezing platform. It's cool on the train with the sunlight dancing on my eyelids, it's quite pleasant. I focus on the breath and and watch the thoughts of hospitals and family waft by. I remember now,yesterday I sat on a brand new tube warm and cosy! Today I am standing.
I watch the thoughts and still keep the breath in my periphery. There were other usual tubey noises and rocking side to side. I look forward to my daily Tube meditation. I woke up to massive manicured eyebrows opposite me..wow. and the woman next to her is reading..The Cosmic Ordering Service...
Thanks for all your well wishes last night. I've spoken to my mother and she's fine but exhausted. Poor old Dad is in a busy public ward but the care is better in the public ones rather than the money grabbing private ones. Visiting hours are evening only so Mum will see him later. Apparently he fell into the kitchen after he got through the front door. They had just picked my niece up so unfortunately she had to see him being hauled off to hospital but this morning she was waving her musical barbie at me so seemed happy enough.
So we wait to see what will happen next as as to the state of his heart rate which appeared to be the cause of his fall. My mother and I were musing that it could hae been he was coming down with something as he doesn't have low BP. but is always complaining that he is tired.
Anyhoo..thanks for listening and being supportive. I spoke to my friend whose dog was run over and they've got a new dog now which is great for them.
Hope you all have a lovely day. ..chat later! 🐽💜🐽
Week 12 Day 4
Week 12 Day
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe concept layers after each physical sensation. .
Am a little stressed 😨 writing this post as I received an email late this afternoon from Mum saying my father fainted and cracked his head on our front door at home...so all I can remember of today's practice is that it happened! Anyway Dad got whizzed to hospital, has been stitched up and they discovered he had fainted because of low heart rate so they've stuck a temporary pacemaker in...He'll probably be running marathons now as he was always saying he was tired. Anyhoo my poor mother (who is a retired nurse) found him in a pool of blood at the door. So he's there now for a few days, hope he'll be ok, last time he went in, the care was not very good and he ended up with horrendous bedsores. And it's Chinese New Year tomorrow! The year of the sheep... baaaaaaaa. 🐏🐑🐏🐑
🐷 Had a crazy busy day as well so that doesn't help. Just on the way home.Maybe banana pancakes might.
My brother has cancelled his skiing trip...I was quite moved...but maybe he knows he can get his money back on insurance! My brother and his wife were actually on their way to my parents' house en route to holiday..I think he was going to Lake Tahoe to meet my other brother who spends every weekend in the season there because of his children.
More medical update tomorrow...and hopefully meditation update!
See you in Chitty chat. 🐽💜
Week 12 Day 3
Week 12 Day 3
Medi object choiceless
Intention to observe positive vedana in mundane things
Good morning! Only posting now after getting home and eating noodles. Today was a crisp cold day and for some of the journey I felt a cool breeze on the left of my face which was quite pleasant. I went further on the Piccadilly line today as I was offsite today. Most of the night and before meditating I had thoughts of work. I have less hassle since we are away from the office. Today I just sat and observed my thoughts wafting in and out. It was earlier that normal so the train wasn't as busy. Today was pretty mundane, no real outstanding thoughts or sounds, I was just sitting there with my eyes closed observing. Felt my breathing, the cold air (which disappeared as we went underground). Oh I had a lot of the label 'feeling' as the guy next to me was reading a newspaper with a wide stance. I wasn't irritated I just let him faff. Then it was time for me to get off and I passed a beautiful Art Deco building which houses the ad agency McCann. The meeting was excellent today and young grad was at the office on his own, I set him some tasks and remembered to thank him for organising the workshop. I did coach him and he sweated a few buckets towards the end as he didn't imagine it was going to be as complex. I have to admit it was very peaceful today because I could just get on with things and not worry about someone falling asleep next to me. I'll get there eventually!
Intention to observe positive vedana in mundane things
I got to come home earlier so once I post on here and 7DMK I'm heading into the melée that is 365 Chitty chat...got something to discuss I have!
Week 12 Day 2
Week 12 Day 2
Medi object really choiceless
Intention focus on the breath, accept thoughts as they come, accept practice as it is!
Good afternoon all. Today I have the Monday working blues. I sat to meditate on the tube and I was on tenterhooks. My mind was full of thoughts of work. So I just had to accept that that was what my head was full of...on the Piccadilly line. On the District line, my mind was overwhelmed with the unpleasant vedana of the freezing pane of glass my arm was squashed against. It was so cold it was like an ice burn. I moved away from the glass, but felt the freeze radiating from it. Brrrr....Breathing was short. The trains were not busy, it's half-term this week. Overall I didn't feel too positive, the practice was an observation of irritations mainly.
Last night I re-read some of Nick's posts and watched the a couple of the videos. I reviewed how choiceless awareness works and that'll be my intention for the next week. I think that progress although desired can be a trap, an attachment. I also need to observe my work aversions and try to deal with them, as I think these are causing me some grief. I think I am feeling tired already as I have two early starts this week. Oh well, it pays the bills...that's what I need to think about, and I'll be out of the office for each day! Different surroundings, different journey tomorrow, different day! Wonder what it will bring.
I am looking forward to eating my homemake potato and leek soup when I get home. And may be a banana pancake! mmmmm...just need to hang on to that positive thought!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Week 12 Day 1
Week 12 Day 1
Medi object choiceless
Intention attachment and aversion
Intention attachment and aversion
Good evening! Hope you are having a nice day! Today I did 5 mins metta and just over 20 mins noting. In the evening I find that I almost. I'd off a lot more as I'm tied, and I haven't eaten dinner yet. But it is a present moment practice so I observe and accept that I am tired and pat myself on the back for noticing the nod!
Metta on niece, still tough, I want to do it without the words as I'm fi ding I focus on the words rather than my niece.
Noting, focus on breathing, noted aversion to starting the practice...fiddling about...taking tablets etc, but settled down eventually. I started on my breathing, neighbour sounds abounded at one time I think my neighbour was bouncing a ball, but not for very long, I think his mother stopped him - but he is 20! No heating noises only the ringing in my ears. I had some thought trains which I went down, and I knew that as I lost the sense of my breathing but I pulled myself back. Towards the end I felt a little frustrated but accept that this is the price I pay for sitting in the evening. Played golf today, I note I have an habitual reaction of aversion to golf moaning.
Also, I noticed that I felt a strong sense of isolation and aversion when the conversation at the clubhouse turned to couple activities. As the only full time working woman in the club, if I want to play at other courses, I need to organise it myself or it doesn't happen. (Wow didn't realise that statistic until just now, I really am the only one). And you don't realise that odd numbers do not fit into dinner party or quiz team plans until you are that odd number!
Anyway, the meditation practice has honed my observational skills and shows me my habitual reactions which definitely lead to more suffering. It's hard though to break that habit when you face it week in week out. It is not pleasant vedana but I need to view it equanimously. I need to just say to myself, it is what it is. If life sucks rhino at this instant, then that's how the pork scratchings crack my teeth. (One benefit of not eating pork scratchings, my dentist is very happy).
Ok! This coming week is going to be a killer at work, two early days with more shenanigans with y.g.
Thanks for bearing with me, today I am moaning Minnie! An habitual reaction of mine is to focus on the negative and forget about the positive. I had a great time on the course, always very pleasant vedana, I love being outside, here's a picture going down the 12th.
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Week 11 Day 7
Week 11 Day 7
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe positive vedana in more detail
APS 14
Intention observe positive vedana in more detail
Long post alert (sorry)
Afternoon all! I survived my flying visit to Sheffield, left at 3pm yesterday got back 3.15am today. Was lovely to see my friends and hopefully will see them again soon. They are friends of my last boyfriend and we've kept in touch after split up...which is longer than the relationship!
Today my intention was to see positive vedana in all sensations if possible. Practised metta for 10 mins and the noting for 20. Metta was tough because my neighbours decided to have heated conversations at that point! They are Italian so all their conversations sound like arguments but aren't really. I chose to focus only on my niece after all this is a fixed point concentration practice. I was able to mantain the sensation of loving kindness on the front of my chest and throat for a while...just need to keep at it!
As I started noting, thoughts of planning popped into my head, which I noted. I had re watched the very first 7DMK video and wanted to note that thoughts were simply thoughts and not to identify with the content. I also wanted to note sounds as just sounds. Sounds came from upstairs, heated conversations but they soon stopped. Heating clicks, ears ringing. Oh I heard an airplane sneak by (we are not on the flight path). I had momentary thoughts of my friends yesterday and felt pleasant vedana. I noted that overall I had no aches and pains, only minor itches and that was pleasant. I was clasping my hands (I usually put them on my knees) and they felt like a solid warm block...in fact towards the end I started to overheat. I noted this uncomfortable sensation and my desire to adjust the blanket but I remained still and observed the aversion. My neighbours must have dropped something heavy upstairs, as it made a loud bang, but I passed the SNAT so I congratulated myself on being alert! The front of my body was cooking as were my hands. I had set the timer to ring mid way, and this time I did not look at the time at all, although I did note a thought about peeking! I think I must have tried to extend the practice too much. I launched into 10 mins metta and 30 mins noting when I previously had only done 20 to 25 mins altogether. Oops...too keen, must rein in. The final bell went and I decided to complete and not continue.
I read with interest, your partners' responses/reactions to your promotion or even just act of meditation. When I first tried to do ashtanga yoga from a book, my husband would stand in the door way and make karate chop Kung Fu noises as a joke. I would communicate some choice words and ignore him. He did stop after he realised I wasn't deterred. I started doing meditation post yoga on a yoga 'retreat', I even recall doing walking meditation there (in Whitstable no less). We did candle meditation which gave me a big headache most of the time. I say 'retreat' because whilst the participants were very serious, the main British teacher was smoking dope, had invited a young Israeli yoga teacher to be his bed mate for the week and the organiser had arranged a striptease for the him! Ha! What an eye opener. Most of the students were eating raw food and sitting in lotus whilst the organisers frittered away their non teaching time. It gave me great insight. Although the yoga teacher's classes were amazing, he treated it as a job. It appeared to me to be somewhat hokey (love that word). I had thought that all yogis and the like would be 'holy' people. That is a view of the uninitiated lay person of things like yoga and meditation. For those who are not inclined to try or believe anything vaguely spiritual, meditation is a activity for monks or for fluffy people who want to relieve stress...a bit like a spa day. Or it's a hoax. So it's not for them. They've already formed their views about how nonsensical it is.
I am definitely not fluffy nor spend many days in the spa with cucumber slices on my eyes (although might be nice...). After my experiences with religion I absolutely do not want some thing that is fluffy buffy and muffy. But I've always thought that there was something about meditation that is more applicable to everyday life. Before 7DMK, I'd only come across the fluffy chillout stuff. After watching Nick's videos I went ohhhhhh now this is something with potential, something much more than zoning out (be careful of the craving for achievement though). However, meditation is essentially an experiential activity, you can't really understand it without doing it. The other stuff I tried was like spacing out and having a nap. Many people form opinions before they try something, like kids and food...it is their habitual reaction to laugh at or avoid anything unfamiliar.
If I had read all your posts about metta, itches, breathing and such before December 1st I would have thought Yikes! We have a bunch of crazy people here who are talking sentimental tosh. It's only because I have experienced the trials and inspirations of mindfulness that I find all your comments so fascinating and supportive. They are positive reinforcement to my experiences.
We are studying a skill that has its own set of jargon and jokes that only the cogniscenti can appreciate. It's really is psycho babble to the uninitiated. Equanimity? I never used that word before December. It is a technical word associated with mindfulness.
My practice is something very precious to me, so I don't want to throw 'my pearls to swine' therefore unless I am talking to those who already meditate, I only mention it in passing. I can be very evangelical about golf, that is a 'safe' topic. But if I were to wax lyrical about meditation bzzzzzt! No experience no can do, weirdo fluffy! I have mentioned it to one or two who are open minded, but have been disappointed when they say...oh and are you very relaxed after it? Sigh...fluffy buffy and muffy...I think to myself just wait till I can do telekinesis and fly myself around the world! Oh umm...do you think that might be too much?
Oh missed the biathlon because I was writing this, but it was worth it.. ski jumping now.
Thanks for reading, for your patience.
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Week 11 Day 6
Week 11 Day 6
13 days APS (Anno Pork Scratchings)
Medi object choiceless
Intention attachment and aversion
Good afternoon everyone, hope all is well on this rainy Friday. Today I tried 10 minutes metta practice and then 30 minutes noting practice. Metta was difficult but I persevered for 10 mins. I tried hard to focus on my meditation object and when I was distracted I moved to the meditation object again.
Noting was interesting today. I had the intention of observing aversion and attachment. I noticed that I really wanted to look at the time , and I did this several times through the practice. I must have developed a habit. I have increased from doing 20 minutes to 30 minutes and maybe this is a bit long. So I will reduce the noting time to 20 minutes and if the bell goes I will then continue for a few more minutes. I was noting the quality of my breath, it was fairly strong today, and then I noticed that even though I thought I was alert the breath disappeared and I thought that I was about to doze off. I had thoughts of resting before traveling up north today. But there was no reason why I should have felt tired because I haven't done anything today. Thoughts today were of cooking and trying new recipes. Len, my cousin and I are still perfecting that banana pancake recipe. I added oatbran today. I also observed some random images probably from the television. I was a bit fidgety and the light in the hallway was for some reason irritating me. So it's the weekend hooray! I will be a little quiet tonight as I have to socialise but hopefully will be able to read all your lovely posts under the duvet tomorrow am.
I've noticed of late I have an aversion to sleeping earlier, that usually means I don't want to go to work the next day. Need to understand and accept my aversion to y.g.. Next week I will attempt to improve sleep hygiene so that I can meditate before leaving the house. Watch this space...
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Week 11 Day 5
Medi Object - choiceless
Intention - examine aversion, attachment
Today it's all over the shop. I may see if I can do some metta and small noting tonight. Tube medi of about 30 mins but quality of attention seemed blurry. Lots of sniffling and coughing noise around me, with headphone leakage. Breathing variable with thoughts of young grad (grr) in mind, noted aversion. Turned to breath to put throughts in background. The District line again was freezing, with one leg feeling uncomfortably icy - noted aversion. I was sitting in a 4 seat area so conscious of passengers wanting to sit next to me. Feeling a bit weary due to lack of sleep - I drank a couple of bottles of Diet Coke over (I haven't taken caffeine regularly for around 30 years). However, tomorrow I am at home so no need to worry about tubing. Read some Kornfield on the way home last night, he's good isn't he. Thought about not getting bacon roll and hot chocolate this morning...was it craving that caused me to buy it? - roll was delicious. Still drinking chocolate. Piece of procurement work has finally finished...bit of an anticlimax but a relief.
Might have to drink caffeine just to stay awake today. These 3am bedtimes are just a bit too late! I usually sleep around 1am.If I watch TV and relax I fall asleep and then have to get up to brush my teeth. So note to self, eat, clean teeth straight away then relax. Hmmm now there's a thought. Oh the great insight!
(More on my evernote account)
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Week 11 Day 4
Week 11 Day 4
Medi object choiceless
Intention observe attachment and aversion
Intention observe attachment and aversion
Good
afternoon everyone! Today's tube medi was a few mins metta and then the
rest noting. I actually continued my practice after I changed tubes
trying to remain mindful on the platform. Interesting.
The
metta was a bit hopeless, as I was pondering about young grad, I
attempted to practise but decided to move onto noting. I may have to do
it in a quieter setting. Noting was interesting as it was punctuated by
the EXTREMELY LOUD newpaper turning just above my head. A guy was
hanging on to the post and whiplash turning the pages as he read them.
May be my hearing has become hyper sensitive but it was very unpleasant
vedana and there was palpable relief on my part whilst he was reading. I
observed my irritation and tried to remain equanimous. No bodily
functions erupted today, you'll be glad to hear. Imagine what that would
be like in a formal practice!? The practice on the Piccadilly line was
uneventful, so as well as page turning, I sensed my breathing, the
announcements, the other passenger activities. When I got onto the other
train I experienced unpleasant vedana in the sensation of freezing air
blasting through the carriage every time the door opened. I was on the
District line sitting in a single seat and the pane of glass next to me
was also quite unpleasant to touch. I observed the cooling of my left
leg and my aversion to the cold, I was tempted to move seats but I
decided that I would put up with it. Conclusion the District line trains
are not heated like the ones on the Piccadilly line! The overwhelming
thoughts were complaints about the cold, I momentarily recalled the face
of Thich Nhat Hanh (I still have to look that up top spell it) - a life
time of meditation and peace seeking results in pixie ears and a
permanent upturn of the corners of the mouth! But imagine not being
allowed back into your own country...that would be heartbreaking.
Anyhoo,
I have made a discovery and I'm sure that it is because of the
meditation. I think that my short term memory has improved. I've
mentioned before that I could never remember the scores on round of 18,
but now I can still remember Sunday's scores. I also can remember
meeting details from yesterday in crystal detail. I noticed this as I
was having a meeting with y.g. and was almost able
to recount the conversations word for word. It could be that I had
super observation switched on as I was running the meeting as well, but
for the last few months B.M. - Before Meditation - I had started to
forget bits and pieces - I am an avid note taker and list writer but I
have not had to write anything down and I've been able to remember the
mundane to the critical. (Famous last words...)
I
did do my photobook but it was all pictures of my niece - so I will
find some scenic photies and post a couple when I get home.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Week 11 Day 3
Week 11 Day 3
Medi object choiceless
Intention equanimity and receptivity
Morning
all. Today a tube medi. A few mins of metta on myself and then some to
my niece and mother. Noting was noisy, people either side were sniffling
and coughing...it's the season.
Breathing was very light,
I listened to a bit of bass on a person's phone...must have been the
end of the song as it faded. I then observed some thoughts about
yesterday's practice. And recalled a kind act of a friend who waited for
several hours outside where the ex had moved to to talk to him. Sent
metta to him briefly and momentarily recalled his grown up family who I
have never known...more another time. No talking helped, he had already
attached himself previously to another partner, when you've got the new
jam why worry about the jar at the back of the cupboard?
I
noted that the announcements were not switched on so thought I had
better pay attention to getting off, but the driver must have switched
it on as we got to Acton Town.
I have to complete two
photobooks today so I will be busy this evening...always leave it till
the last minute. Will post a couple of the more memorable ones. Have a
lovely day! 🐽
Intention equanimity and receptivity
Week 11 Day 2
Week 11 Day 2
Medi object choiceless
Intention: explore vedana pleasant unpleasant
Metta 12 mins, noting 35 mins, 5 mins Metta afterwards
Good
evening all! Was up most of last night so could not arise early to
meditate. But today's meditation was good and I was alert. So I think I
am learning I need to eat before meditating and not wrap up too cozily!
Last night I was up listening to Goldstein and watching to golf. Still
didn't finish watching the golf but the talk was very interesting. Hope
you get a chance to listen. I think the first hour is probably the most
interesting and he describes mindfulness meditation almost exactly on
the way Nick does. I'm not sure how you could understand much without
trying meditation first yourself so I am glad I've been practising for a
while (10 weeks! Wow)
Today's metta was betta
:-D I was able to focus on the feeling of loving kindness even after the
gong went to start noting. Now I understand a bit more about insight
meditation I understand more of where we are heading. The noting
practice was fascinating too. I felt alert and tried to accept those
itches equanimously. I noted the intention of moving so that I was more
comfortable. I accepted that I was averse to slouching. I also noted
that I had started to overheat again so just opened the blanket a little
but after noting the intention to do so. The imperceptible breeze
wafted around my hands and legs. Thoughts of people meditating came into
my head, of people making effort. Then thoughts about facing trauma. I
thought about the broken vase and the light shining through. All this
whilst being aware of my breathing and the periphery sounds, as I said
before like an onlooker. I then thought about one of the traumas that I
wanted to face in meditation. It happened 31 years ago. The day hub 1
told me he was leaving with no warning. I thought I used to recall the
detail meticulously before, but as I watched on I had even more insight
into that night. The sensation was unpleasant and I felt the tears in my
eyes but I was not overwhelmed. What I had never noted before now was
that when my husband told me he wanted to leave, he told me with his
back to me. He lay facing away from me as I sobbed uncontrollably. He
said he'd been planning it for months. But there I was the blissfully
unaware, unmindful 21 year old. The shock of his words stabbed me in
the chest. He left a week later and that was that. I watched this scene
unfurl towards the end of the noting, I was watching him....well his
back that is. When the bell went I decided to stop observing this
thought. The vedana was unpleasant. I didn't have that stabbing pain,
that choking feeling. What I felt was anger. Not excessively, but it was
there, I felt anger and pity. Pity for him. I understood what a coward
he had been that night...he'd long since written me off and didn't even
have the respect to look me in the eye.
I
decided that I needed a little metta after that. When I spoke the loving
kindness words, I felt very moved, moved to tears, but not in a
desperate way but in a strange way of release. The anger dissipated. I
will examine the events that proceeded after that day, there is a lot to
investigate. Yes, I am a soap opera on my own. Between my stories and
my parents' I could write a book! 50 shades of 'whateverrr'. (I nicked
that from a radio presenter, I thought it was very funny) The meditation
allowed me to look on on neutral safe grounds, with no intention to
feel sorry for myself. I have a friend who says to me "love and light"
when she signs off her emails. She says to me that to protect yourself
from harm you can imagine yourself surrounded in white light. A bit
hokey I used to think, but it actually works when you are meditating,
well for me anyway. I guess it's the antidote to feeling darkness that
comes over you if you are thinking about bad things. And then I opened
my eyes and there was a Facebook message from her waiting for me! More
loving kindness feelings!
As I said before, unpleasant vedana will always unpleasant vedana - but it's how you view it that changes things.
Metta
and hugs to you all, hope I haven't traumatised you too much, but I
really am grateful that I can post here and that you spend the time
reading my verbiage! And this experienced only made me even more
motivated to continue on this path.
Week 11 Day 1
Week 11 Day 1
Medi object choiceless
Intention be receptive and equanimous
10 mins metta 20 mins noting
Today
a friend tried to call at the allotted meditation time so I let it go
to voice mail. I noted the slight irritation as she calls at the wrong
times! Will call her back later.
Metta today was easier I
focused on a few people in turn including young grad but that wasn't
pleasant so I moved away. I managed to concentrate on the sensation
around my chest and heart when I got the aww factor. Was very
interesting. ..how will it expand I wonder?
Noting started
with the breath which was long and deep. Neighbour images arose as
well as noises from them. The usual sounds from the heating and ears
were present. I was treated to a light show of purple and green swirls.
I then started to feel hot...and spent a long time focusing on
this...the uncomfortable sensation was around my arns then my upper
body. I noted the urge to take my fleece off. I looked at the time and
noted that I had slightly sweaty hands. Oh yes had the big hands again
for most of the practice. My fingers were melded together. Also I
observed the pre spacing out lightness of the mind...but did not space
out. I was alert and did this a few times. The heat sensation had moved
to the background and no longer was unpleasant. The breath was
dominant in this practice. A few itches but nothing too crazy.
Definitely better to practise before anything else. I've now taken my
fleece off 😂...ok sun is shining off to golf! Hope you all have a
lovely Sunday!
Intention be receptive and equanimous
Week 10 Day 7
Week 10 Day 7
Medi object choiceless 10 metta 30 noting.
Intention quality of attention, receptive and equanimous to all sensations
Good
afternoon! Todays meditation was fab. I have had a good rest and I woke
up and immediately got down to business. I definitely think practicing
in the morning is a much easier experience for me. So I will have to do
some serious thinking about my general routine.
10 minutes
of metta. Again I used the Kornfield words and it went very smoothly. I
was able to focus first on my niece and then on my mother and then
back to my niece for a few minutes at a time. I will have to look at
what I should be feeling in these practices. I know that sometimes I
feel a warm feeling, but I think the goal of the practice is to be able
to keep the meditation object in focus.
For noting I made
sure that I was not too hot and was seated in the usual position. I
noted my breathing was like an aperture opening and closing. The
peripheral noises - my neighbours cleaning their floor and their
conversations. The heating was gently trickling through the radiator,
there were the usual ringing noises in my ears. Several thoughts came
into my head and these were things that I should be doing in the next
couple of months. I had completely forgotten about 1 activity which was
to arrange to build the awning in my garden and also I need to do some
paperwork on our lease. The former is quite exciting the latter is
boring as ... ironing. However my neighbours are relying on me to sort
the lease out so I guess I'd better just get it done. As I moved through
the practice, I encountered some more thoughts. The thoughts were
informational, and did not give me any sensation of irritation. I
noticed that there was no tendency to drift and I think this is because
of the time of day.
The practice felt relaxed and
comfortable, a bit like a watching a film. I had some bitch itches. But
I did manage to resist scratching, and try to be as receptive and
equanimous as possible. And the truth is is of course they do disappear .
After the chin itch disappeared, there remained a tingling around the
area. These tiny sensations seem to annotate the practice. I also saw
some great light shows behind of my eyelids. They were like the Northern
Lights. And in the tradition of elizabeth usher. I will post a picture
made by my own fair hands the northern lights in January 2013.
No
golf today, the physio was relieved to know, resting the finger.
However I have a lot to do in the house and I'm actually looking forward
to dejunking. Hope you all have a great day and look forward to reading
your posts. 🐽
Medi object choiceless 10 metta 30 noting.
Intention quality of attention, receptive and equanimous to all sensations
Week 10 Day 6
Week 10 Day 6
Medi object choiceless
Intention do not change the meditation object, be receptive and equanimous
Weather: cold and rainy
Metta 10 mins noting 30 mins.
Good
evening everyone. Hope everything is ok with you. Today I've had a
reasonably busy day at home. And I've been out just briefly to the
physio. And I thought that I would prepare my dinner, mindfully of
course, before I sat down to meditate.
I started with 10
minutes of metta and I used the Kornfield phrases and they have really
helped me focus. Sometimes I focus on my niece and at other times on my
mother and I did try to focus on myself although that is the hardest. I
do find myself thinking unpleasant images but I tryinto put them in the
background while I concentrate on the words and also the images of my
mother and niece. It's still quite hard, but i will persevere with 10
minutes a day.
The noting was also quite a fidgety
session. The room was very hot and I did try to keep my eyes open but
they kept on shutting I think that is what I normally do in meditation
so I am not used to having my eyes open. I found myself thinking about
the time a lot and I did feel myself drift a few times. I had some
random people images, they were neutral and not particularly
unpleasant. I also tried to notice my breathing and I found that my
breathing was sometimes quite deep and noisy particularly when I was
trying to stay alert ....or was it awake! I noted some itches and had to
scratch then noted they came back ha! Then the time flew by and I had 7
minutes left. I was determined to sit out the alloted time. Tomorrow I
will be at home so I am hoping I can practise earlier.
Ok now to eat curry! May be my mind was on that instead! It smells good anyway! 🐽
Medi object choiceless
Intention do not change the meditation object, be receptive and equanimous
Weather: cold and rainy
Ok now to eat curry! May be my mind was on that instead! It smells good anyway! 🐽
Week 10 Day 5
Week 10 Day 5
Metta practice 20 mins
Today was an ad hoc day, I woke up late and then stayed after work
for a drink and dinner with a dear colleague who was leaving our team.
In the end I was left him on the other tube at 11pm and I decided to try
some metta Kornfield style, saying the phrases. I started on myself but
it didn't seem to resonate, so I tried the words on my niece
Claire...ohhh those words definitely helped me to focus on her and I
really felt more focused on her and there was a pleasant sensation
around my head and upper body. I then decided to try it on my mother and
well it was even better! I am very much a words person and I think the
phrases seem to allow me to focus a lot more on the subject. These are
not words I would say to my mother or niece but they are very loving
wishes. I definitely felt more connected, even though I did occasionally
think they were a bit hokey as Nick says. My family are not very
affectionate so to say these loving kindness words to anyone would
strike a chord let alone to my darling mother and niece. I will continue
to try metta like this, and maybe next week I will try them with my
father...those who have read my previous posts will know this is not an
easy thing. So no noting today (waaaah) it's 0030 so it's time to think
about bed not wake myself up with a smashing practice! But I may try a
little mindful thought before bed. Good night everyone, tomorrow I'm at
home again. But a bit of sacrifice was worth it to say goodbye to a
colleague who has become a good friend. I will be able to practise
during the day tomorrow hooray!
Week 10 Day 4
Week 10 Day 4
Medi obj choiceless
Intention: observe the breath and be receptive and equanimous
Was at hairdressers, with iPad :-)
Today a very short 20 minute meditation just before I came out. I
was busy working in the morning and the the boiler man came and I felt I
couldn't be meditating when he was around, whingey old man he was. I
recognised him as one of the engineers who came 4 years ago last time it
broke.
Anyhoo, to the practice. I decided to focus on the breath today.
Back to basics. The breath was a bit like a pair of bellows, possibly I
was a bit fed up of the boiler man so I was huffing and puffing. I found
that could hear my neighbours' telly, wondered if mine was ever that
loud, I doubt it. The heating was very quiet and the room was warming up
nicely. I kept on having to direct myself back to the breath as I am so
used to wandering around. I did follow a conversation or two with the
boiler man...harumph but slapped myself to return to the breath. I also
found myself freewheeling with the scratching, except at the very end I
went to scratch and stopped myself...hmmmmmm! The Ed Sheeran song I'd
been listening to drifted in every now and then. I now realise that if
I'm practising in the evening I need to keep my eyes open to prevent
sleepage!
May try some Metta when I get home the Kornfield way.
Hope you've all had a nice day!
Wednesday, February 04, 2015
Week 10 Day 3
Week 10 Day 3.
Medi object choiceless
Intention: observe sensations clearly and see the detail....not sure I did!
Weather: freezing. No boiler.
Good evening all! Today it's 10 mins Metta and 25 noting.
Today was a busy day not helped by broken boiler. I'm usually in my bedroom at home so it's not too bad as I have a small fan heater.
Today I sat and took minutes in a 2.5 hour meeting at work. After 2 hours I was falling asleep and tried to stay awake using mindfulness, it helped a bit, but in the end I had to step outside and get a drink of water. Nothing worse than nodding off in a meeting!
On the way home I read a bit of Kornfield, and I loved the 3rd chapter! It was very inspiring. I got home turned on the heater (fan, boiling water on cooker), changed and wrapped up in my Medi blanket and started. The metta is still hard I can't keep the image very long. I may try the more mechanical way that Kornfield suggests. I had a coughing fit in the middle that didn't help.
In my noting practice I was quite fidgety, but in a good mood. I did feel myself go a few times, this is the evening problem! However I remembered a few phrases from the book and then had a clear image of my father. I thought of his death and I was neutral and accepted it. He is not quite himself these days and sleeps a lot. Do not feel sorry for me, I do not have much feeling towards my @@@@@@ but I have not faced the death of a close relative. He'll leave a gap in our lives despite him being a b}#&#%%d! More about this another time perhaps. I thought about the text about how there are those who try all kinds of things to rid themselves of their aversion. But in the end it is the simple practice of sitting that will reveal to our minds hidden, suppressed pain and anguish. I continued to fidget and looked at the clock a few times. My breathing was hard at times and I heard myself wheeze a bit...it's the cold air. But at other times it almost disappeared. I felt an itch on my eye but just accepted it. Pach I thought it'll pass. I could feel the blanket engulf me and I felt like a hamster hehe...it is a very soft cuddly blanket. I didn't wrap myself in the duvet otherwise I would be experiencing the unpleasant vedana of suffocating and then sweating! I've had a shower today can't spoil that! The heater was the dominant sound, no sounds from upstairs...oh but I'd been listening to Ed Sheerans's Afire Love and that played in the background...that was about his grandfather I believe.
Anyhoo, time to wash the pile of dishes in the sink...will need a few kettles of water! Only then shall I allow myself to eat cook and eat noodles!
Lots of interesting links and posts to look through, thanks for sharing, I spend a lot more time here than in the rest of Facebook!
,
Medi object choiceless
Intention: observe sensations clearly and see the detail....not sure I did!
Weather: freezing. No boiler.
Good evening all! Today it's 10 mins Metta and 25 noting.
Today was a busy day not helped by broken boiler. I'm usually in my bedroom at home so it's not too bad as I have a small fan heater.
Today I sat and took minutes in a 2.5 hour meeting at work. After 2 hours I was falling asleep and tried to stay awake using mindfulness, it helped a bit, but in the end I had to step outside and get a drink of water. Nothing worse than nodding off in a meeting!
On the way home I read a bit of Kornfield, and I loved the 3rd chapter! It was very inspiring. I got home turned on the heater (fan, boiling water on cooker), changed and wrapped up in my Medi blanket and started. The metta is still hard I can't keep the image very long. I may try the more mechanical way that Kornfield suggests. I had a coughing fit in the middle that didn't help.
In my noting practice I was quite fidgety, but in a good mood. I did feel myself go a few times, this is the evening problem! However I remembered a few phrases from the book and then had a clear image of my father. I thought of his death and I was neutral and accepted it. He is not quite himself these days and sleeps a lot. Do not feel sorry for me, I do not have much feeling towards my @@@@@@ but I have not faced the death of a close relative. He'll leave a gap in our lives despite him being a b}#&#%%d! More about this another time perhaps. I thought about the text about how there are those who try all kinds of things to rid themselves of their aversion. But in the end it is the simple practice of sitting that will reveal to our minds hidden, suppressed pain and anguish. I continued to fidget and looked at the clock a few times. My breathing was hard at times and I heard myself wheeze a bit...it's the cold air. But at other times it almost disappeared. I felt an itch on my eye but just accepted it. Pach I thought it'll pass. I could feel the blanket engulf me and I felt like a hamster hehe...it is a very soft cuddly blanket. I didn't wrap myself in the duvet otherwise I would be experiencing the unpleasant vedana of suffocating and then sweating! I've had a shower today can't spoil that! The heater was the dominant sound, no sounds from upstairs...oh but I'd been listening to Ed Sheerans's Afire Love and that played in the background...that was about his grandfather I believe.
Anyhoo, time to wash the pile of dishes in the sink...will need a few kettles of water! Only then shall I allow myself to eat cook and eat noodles!
Lots of interesting links and posts to look through, thanks for sharing, I spend a lot more time here than in the rest of Facebook!
,
Monday, February 02, 2015
Week 10 Day 2
Week 10 Day 2
Medi object: choiceless
Intention: SNAT receptive, check quality of attention
Weather: icy cold but sunny
Tube
meditation 25 mins. Today's breathing was soft but I had a sneezing
fit just before practice so had an aversion to running nose so I was
observing the nose situation frequently. Today I seemed a bit out of
focus, the train was very busy and two women were having a detailed
conversation about someone elderly. The train filled up and the sun
danced on my eyelids. The first few flashes were harsh and unpleasant,
too bright to be pleasurable. My eyebrows furrowed and I felt an
aversion to any more light shows but they did not come again. Thought
trails abounded, I brought myself back each time I went down a hole but
became irritated as to why I was not able to concentrate. Just before my
stop the driver blew the whistle loudly and I noted that I did not
flinch. Nose itch I observed with equanimity, but it was only the
slightest of sensations....hardly difficult to be neutral. The woman
next to me fiddled with her phone, I think she unwrapped something
(food?), I observed my irritation an habitual reaction when people don't
sit still! I noted and accepted.
Last week I did mini meds on the way home, 5 or 10 mins, they seemed to ease the journey, will continue to do that this week.
Last
night read a few articles and websites, I wrote a blog entry of
personal experience. This week will be a heavy week at work, welcome to
the world of civil service politics (although I am not a civil servant).
It helps to be an outsider in these situations as one has less
emotional involvement. I feel though the practice has lightened the load
of stress, despite my colleague issues, I am in general not as grumpy!
Hope you have a brilliant day and a good practice!
Medi object: choiceless
Intention: SNAT receptive, check quality of attention
Weather: icy cold but sunny
How the mighty have fallen...
Years ago, my first encounter with Buddhism was through my yoga teacher, he introduced me to the works of Dennis Merzel. I would say that his book The Eye Never Sleeps was pivotal and I thought that I wanted to practice zen meditation.
How ever I tried, I struggled with the obtuse sometimes ethereal articles and books, none of which were as straight forward as Merzel's. Needless to say, the meditation never became a habit, you can see from a previous post here that I was struggling with practice. It disappeared into nothing until I came across Headspace. It was new and hip, it seemed straightforward. Yeah mindfulness is cool! I subscribed to Headspace for two years.
However no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get into it. There were well constructed series of guided meditations, lists and lists of them. But every time I listened to one I wanted to fall asleep.
The subscription ran out and I pondered my waste of money. Then I happened across the 30 Days of Mindfulness...I think it must have been on Google.
Initially the 30DOM was not running but I could try the free 7 day kickstart. It was starting in two days. I thought why not, only 7 days commitment...
And now I am still doing a daily practice 10 weeks later.... What is the difference?
I believe that mindfulness meditation is a form that is approachable for all, and that is the less steeped in rarified koans and sayings (not to say it can't get technical or complex later). It's practical and there are levels of commitment that mean you don't have to attain the lofty levels aspired to in Zen.
Also the delivery of teaching was excellent and second to none. Straightforward and with detailed instruction. Ohhh that's what I'm supposed to be doing! None of this one hand clapping musing.
Anyway back to the reason why I started this post. I thought I would revisit resources by Merzel online his website is http://bigmind.org . I surfed around and then I thought that the article on the front page was much less hardcore than I previously read. I clicked on the Bio link.
Half way down I read something which surprised me, but then again didn't surprise me. It read..."In February 2011, after publicly admitting to his marital infidelityFebruary 2011...."! I was a bit stunned. Merzel had come down from his elevated position to mere mortal...as he says. He was right up there in terms of titles and importance in his sphere of influence. And now after 3 years away from the limelight he has returned to teaching in a much more modest way.
He says in one of his posts...in 2012
"....It used to be that I never went anywhere, even to a bar, alone. I’d always go with a handful to two dozen students, I would be served and waited on, people would hang on my every word, I would be the Zen teacher and the Zen patriarch. Now I sit alone on a bar stool, and I never know who will sit down beside me. People whose names I don’t know, and who don’t know my names and titles, people whom I will probably never see again, share their lives, their joys, their sorrows. I feel so raw and open, human and down to earth. It’s very touching and moving, and very healing for me as well as for them...."
What I don't understand is how someone who is practising zen meditation could come to be in this earthly elevated position. I'm not talking about the infidelity, it's the crashing off the pedestal I am shocked at. His more recent posts are more personal, less lofted, more human.
Prior to trying zen, I was involved in 12 years of dedication to born again Christianity. I left that at age 30 disillusioned. The minister of the church I went to was (and still is) elevated to the head of Mafia, irreproachable and unreachable by his congregation. I must have been looking for someone to replace him. I was in awe of Merzel. But maybe I like the mortal Merzel better now. Maybe he would speak to me if I sat next to him in that bar should I be in the neighbourhood one day.
References
Nick Grabovac - 30 Days of Mindfulness
http://www.30daysofmindfulness.com
Returning Home - Dennis Merzel.
http://bigmind.org/blog/returning-home
How ever I tried, I struggled with the obtuse sometimes ethereal articles and books, none of which were as straight forward as Merzel's. Needless to say, the meditation never became a habit, you can see from a previous post here that I was struggling with practice. It disappeared into nothing until I came across Headspace. It was new and hip, it seemed straightforward. Yeah mindfulness is cool! I subscribed to Headspace for two years.
However no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get into it. There were well constructed series of guided meditations, lists and lists of them. But every time I listened to one I wanted to fall asleep.
The subscription ran out and I pondered my waste of money. Then I happened across the 30 Days of Mindfulness...I think it must have been on Google.
Initially the 30DOM was not running but I could try the free 7 day kickstart. It was starting in two days. I thought why not, only 7 days commitment...
And now I am still doing a daily practice 10 weeks later.... What is the difference?
I believe that mindfulness meditation is a form that is approachable for all, and that is the less steeped in rarified koans and sayings (not to say it can't get technical or complex later). It's practical and there are levels of commitment that mean you don't have to attain the lofty levels aspired to in Zen.
Also the delivery of teaching was excellent and second to none. Straightforward and with detailed instruction. Ohhh that's what I'm supposed to be doing! None of this one hand clapping musing.
Anyway back to the reason why I started this post. I thought I would revisit resources by Merzel online his website is http://bigmind.org . I surfed around and then I thought that the article on the front page was much less hardcore than I previously read. I clicked on the Bio link.
Half way down I read something which surprised me, but then again didn't surprise me. It read..."In February 2011, after publicly admitting to his marital infidelityFebruary 2011...."! I was a bit stunned. Merzel had come down from his elevated position to mere mortal...as he says. He was right up there in terms of titles and importance in his sphere of influence. And now after 3 years away from the limelight he has returned to teaching in a much more modest way.
He says in one of his posts...in 2012
"....It used to be that I never went anywhere, even to a bar, alone. I’d always go with a handful to two dozen students, I would be served and waited on, people would hang on my every word, I would be the Zen teacher and the Zen patriarch. Now I sit alone on a bar stool, and I never know who will sit down beside me. People whose names I don’t know, and who don’t know my names and titles, people whom I will probably never see again, share their lives, their joys, their sorrows. I feel so raw and open, human and down to earth. It’s very touching and moving, and very healing for me as well as for them...."
What I don't understand is how someone who is practising zen meditation could come to be in this earthly elevated position. I'm not talking about the infidelity, it's the crashing off the pedestal I am shocked at. His more recent posts are more personal, less lofted, more human.
Prior to trying zen, I was involved in 12 years of dedication to born again Christianity. I left that at age 30 disillusioned. The minister of the church I went to was (and still is) elevated to the head of Mafia, irreproachable and unreachable by his congregation. I must have been looking for someone to replace him. I was in awe of Merzel. But maybe I like the mortal Merzel better now. Maybe he would speak to me if I sat next to him in that bar should I be in the neighbourhood one day.
References
Nick Grabovac - 30 Days of Mindfulness
http://www.30daysofmindfulness.com
Returning Home - Dennis Merzel.
http://bigmind.org/blog/returning-home
Sunday, February 01, 2015
Medi prune!
Wow now I am really like a prune...but it's so nice to spend time on this activity I don't care!
Week 10 Day 1.
Medi object choiceless
Intention : SNAT, be receptive to all sensations unpleasant and pleasant.
Good evening everyone! Medi prune here 😂. I am sitting in the bath, after meditating for 35 minutes. So therefore I am well washed and prunish. It's not that easy to practise in this bath simply because the bath is not quite large enough for me to totally immerse myself, and therefore if I keep still some bits of my body become cold. So I had to move the water around every so often. I started with 10 minutes of metta practice. Again I found it quite hard to focus on my chosen object. Lots of other images came into my head which I tried to keep in the background. I did catch a few seconds here and there the pleasant image with a cosy feeling. The bell went and I prepared for noting practice. Noting practice was an interesting experience in luke warm water. My Doraemon clock ticks very loudly, it is a compound noise and I can sense the mechanism turning as the clock ticks. As the water dried around my exposed body interminable inches arose on my face, my forehead, my nose and my chinny chin chin 😨. This time I tried so hard not to wish that they would disappear, but I noted my aversion and was able not to scratch. In truth all these sensations are impermanent because after a few minutes the focus moves on to something else. I could hear my neighbours walking around upstairs, the heating system, and I could feel bits of my body that were not covered by the water beginning to cool. Various thoughts about golf came into my mind, thoughts about my family and thoughts about work. Again it was somewhat like a video where I was not a participant. I do believe that at one point I must have drifted off and I became spontaneously aware of this and brought myself back to the present. The perils of lying down! I had watched Nick's video on SNAT before the practice and so I was not surprised when I heard some unfamiliar noises in the kitchen next to the bathroom. I opened my eyes in the last 5 mins and it was extremely pleasant as I am in the bath with the main light off with 2 candles and a luci light on (check them out they are amazing). The candles were giving off a pleasant aroma every now and then. I'm trying to find a way to keep all the resources we find in one place...as I'm not an administrator here I can't add files. I'm happy to post them here and onto my blog in a post called 365DOM resources so we can all find them again. It is a nuisance that you can't search Facebook and comments appear to get lost. So if you want me to post stuff just let me know. Will post my discoveries separately from my meditation journals. Today I played golf a game of two halves but had joy joy feelings socialising with my golfing buddies who have become my friends. We spent 6 hours with each other and we only left the clubhouse because I had to get to the supermarket before it closed. I felt warm and fuzzy and very content, and looked forward to getting back to meditate and see how all of you are getting along. I didn't meditate this morning as I didn't sleep much last night, not sure why...but I realise that I will find time to practise but my habitual weekend routine doesn't suit early rising...will ponder about this. 🐷
Week 10 Day 1.
Medi object choiceless
Intention : SNAT, be receptive to all sensations unpleasant and pleasant.
Good evening everyone! Medi prune here 😂. I am sitting in the bath, after meditating for 35 minutes. So therefore I am well washed and prunish. It's not that easy to practise in this bath simply because the bath is not quite large enough for me to totally immerse myself, and therefore if I keep still some bits of my body become cold. So I had to move the water around every so often. I started with 10 minutes of metta practice. Again I found it quite hard to focus on my chosen object. Lots of other images came into my head which I tried to keep in the background. I did catch a few seconds here and there the pleasant image with a cosy feeling. The bell went and I prepared for noting practice. Noting practice was an interesting experience in luke warm water. My Doraemon clock ticks very loudly, it is a compound noise and I can sense the mechanism turning as the clock ticks. As the water dried around my exposed body interminable inches arose on my face, my forehead, my nose and my chinny chin chin 😨. This time I tried so hard not to wish that they would disappear, but I noted my aversion and was able not to scratch. In truth all these sensations are impermanent because after a few minutes the focus moves on to something else. I could hear my neighbours walking around upstairs, the heating system, and I could feel bits of my body that were not covered by the water beginning to cool. Various thoughts about golf came into my mind, thoughts about my family and thoughts about work. Again it was somewhat like a video where I was not a participant. I do believe that at one point I must have drifted off and I became spontaneously aware of this and brought myself back to the present. The perils of lying down! I had watched Nick's video on SNAT before the practice and so I was not surprised when I heard some unfamiliar noises in the kitchen next to the bathroom. I opened my eyes in the last 5 mins and it was extremely pleasant as I am in the bath with the main light off with 2 candles and a luci light on (check them out they are amazing). The candles were giving off a pleasant aroma every now and then. I'm trying to find a way to keep all the resources we find in one place...as I'm not an administrator here I can't add files. I'm happy to post them here and onto my blog in a post called 365DOM resources so we can all find them again. It is a nuisance that you can't search Facebook and comments appear to get lost. So if you want me to post stuff just let me know. Will post my discoveries separately from my meditation journals. Today I played golf a game of two halves but had joy joy feelings socialising with my golfing buddies who have become my friends. We spent 6 hours with each other and we only left the clubhouse because I had to get to the supermarket before it closed. I felt warm and fuzzy and very content, and looked forward to getting back to meditate and see how all of you are getting along. I didn't meditate this morning as I didn't sleep much last night, not sure why...but I realise that I will find time to practise but my habitual weekend routine doesn't suit early rising...will ponder about this. 🐷
365DOM resources
For us to find!
I will add more as I find them, will add links to the 30DOM website but not the password.
30DOM
http://www.30daysofmindfulness.com/30dom2015/
7DMK
http://www.30daysofmindfulness.com/7dmk/
Mind pod network
http://www.mindpodnetwork.com
Buddhist path to deliverance (doesn't download on ipad without an app)
http://store.pariyatti.org/Buddhas-Path-to-Deliverance-The--PDF-eBook_p_2561.html
Sharon Salzberg's site
http://www.sharonsalzberg.com
Sutta Readings
http://www.suttareadings.net/faq.html
Leigh Brasington's website
http://www.leighb.com/index.html
Oprah talks to Thich Nhat Hanh
http://youtu.be/NJ9UtuWfs3U
Joke about box of chocolates
http://www.gocomics.com/the-bent-pinky
Cats on Roombas
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=627213610746651
The Alchemist
http://www.shipk12.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Paulo_Coelho_-_The_Alchemist.pdf
The Direct Path - Analayo
http://www.buddhismuskunde.uni-hamburg.de/fileadmin/pdf/analayo/DirectPath.pdf
Definition of Upasaka
Upasaka
Stephanie Nash LAUGHING MEDITATION WORKSHOP ~ Stephanie Nash:
laughing meditation
Nick's YouTube video SNAT What is Mindfulness:
Nick's video
You can then subscribe to his channel.
Shinzen Young's description of mindfulness. I found Stephanie Young's facial expressions quite telling in the video...just shows how well thought out Nick's description is! Again for broadening horizons...you can just browse the videos if you subscribe to Young's channel
http://youtu.be/1J9LQbImU1c
Interview with Upasaka Culadasa - Stephanie has posted a lot of interviews with Culadasa.
http://youtu.be/1gfM62h5MJ0
Article about jhanas, since Nick mentioned jhanas in his practice
http://www.tricycle.com/special-section/mind-pure-concentrated-and-bright?page=0,0
A quick guide to mindfulness
http://www.enabling.org/ia/vipassana/Archive/G/Gunaratana/MindfulnessIPE/chapter1.html
The Great Bell Chant
http://youtu.be/F1ZwaEzMtJw
Cute penguins for betta metta
http://www.boredpanda.com/oldest-man-australia-knits-penguin-sweaters-alfred-date/
Harvard article
http://www.feelguide.com/2014/11/19/harvard-unveils-mri-study-proving-meditation-literally-rebuilds-the-brains-gray-matter-in-8-weeks/
I will add more as I find them, will add links to the 30DOM website but not the password.
30DOM
http://www.30daysofmindfulness.com/30dom2015/
7DMK
http://www.30daysofmindfulness.com/7dmk/
Mind pod network
http://www.mindpodnetwork.com
Buddhist path to deliverance (doesn't download on ipad without an app)
http://store.pariyatti.org/Buddhas-Path-to-Deliverance-The--PDF-eBook_p_2561.html
Sharon Salzberg's site
http://www.sharonsalzberg.com
Sutta Readings
http://www.suttareadings.net/faq.html
Leigh Brasington's website
http://www.leighb.com/index.html
Oprah talks to Thich Nhat Hanh
http://youtu.be/NJ9UtuWfs3U
Joke about box of chocolates
http://www.gocomics.com/the-bent-pinky
Cats on Roombas
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=627213610746651
The Alchemist
http://www.shipk12.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Paulo_Coelho_-_The_Alchemist.pdf
The Direct Path - Analayo
http://www.buddhismuskunde.uni-hamburg.de/fileadmin/pdf/analayo/DirectPath.pdf
Definition of Upasaka
Upasaka
Stephanie Nash LAUGHING MEDITATION WORKSHOP ~ Stephanie Nash:
laughing meditation
Nick's YouTube video SNAT What is Mindfulness:
Nick's video
You can then subscribe to his channel.
Shinzen Young's description of mindfulness. I found Stephanie Young's facial expressions quite telling in the video...just shows how well thought out Nick's description is! Again for broadening horizons...you can just browse the videos if you subscribe to Young's channel
http://youtu.be/1J9LQbImU1c
Interview with Upasaka Culadasa - Stephanie has posted a lot of interviews with Culadasa.
http://youtu.be/1gfM62h5MJ0
Article about jhanas, since Nick mentioned jhanas in his practice
http://www.tricycle.com/special-section/mind-pure-concentrated-and-bright?page=0,0
A quick guide to mindfulness
http://www.enabling.org/ia/vipassana/Archive/G/Gunaratana/MindfulnessIPE/chapter1.html
The Great Bell Chant
http://youtu.be/F1ZwaEzMtJw
Cute penguins for betta metta
http://www.boredpanda.com/oldest-man-australia-knits-penguin-sweaters-alfred-date/
Harvard article
http://www.feelguide.com/2014/11/19/harvard-unveils-mri-study-proving-meditation-literally-rebuilds-the-brains-gray-matter-in-8-weeks/
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Week 9 Day 7 - Observe the pork scratching craving...
This will be the first post of many after the 30 DOM meditation course. I looked back on the blog entries and see that in 2008 I was trying to meditate to get rid of churning thoughts. Ha...wrong! Hopefully I'll get it 'right' from now on.
Week 9 Day 7!
Medi object choiceless
Intention: Remain receptive and equanimous to all sensations
Good afternoon ! How is everyone today ? Today is the first day of our journey outside the course. My intention is to continue to post daily. This is because I would like to keep a journal of my meditation practice. I will resurrect my blog which I started years ago called Zen Lolly . It had all of 3 weird posts in it. 😋 This is so that I can keep my journal all in one place as Facebook seems to put things in top story order. I would like to be put non meditation things into here such as updates on daily mindful activities and facing pork scratchings, umm I mean cravings.
Today's meditation was 10 minutes metta and 25 minutes noting. I noticed yesterday that when I did 30 minutes noting after 10 minutes metta, I became agitated towards the end. So I'd rather be focused on the entire journey than be thinking about when the bell will ring. So I think I'll stay on this timing for the next few weeks.
Today's metta was difficult. I struggled to fix on an image to focus on but I did manage a few seconds at a time and also tried to put any unpleasant images in the background rather than getting rid of them. This may be a learning for me. I thought that I was always good at concentrating , but I think that I am always multi tasking. The bell went for the end of metta whilst I was still trying to piece together a cohesive image. So I just accepted it and moved on to noting. Maybe I was a 🐣?
Today's noting was an altogether more rounded practice. My intention today was to be super receptive and equanimous. I started as usual on the rising and falling of the breath in my abdomen, and then proceeded to focus on all sorts of external sensations. My neighbours decided to clean their wooden floor upstairs using some kind of manual roller jobbie. Typical, I thought that I should pick the time that they are doing the housework. I noticed the mild irritation about the noise which I felt had a mildly upleasant hedonic tone... though they didn't spend that long cleaning the floor. In my periphery, I could hear the heating system, my ears ringing as usual and the noise of some traffic. I also then observed swirling purple and green blobs in front of my eyes.They were pretty fascinating so I watched them for a while. I was able to watch them and also be aware of peripheral sensations. They came back several times throughout practice and I just enjoyed watching them whenever they were there. Interestingly I had some thoughts and decisions that popped up into my head. They were not really trains of thought but I seemed to be able to observe them whilst being aware of my surroundings. One was about the Air Asia plane. I felt sorrow and tearful. I feel very emotional about plane crashes. It may be my aversion to turbulence that triggers this. I had a bad experience on a short flight to Manchester and I've been nervous ever since. I think I've written about this in the past. How I will play out bad things to all sorts of different endings. But although there was momentary sadness, it was contained and I moved on to the next sensation. Another thought was about painting my garden fence. Another was about doing things around the house. I got to watch these 'videos' as as though they were in front of me, more like for information. I felt warm and cozy under my blanket, my posture was comfortable. Oh yes, I had the itches from hell and tried hard not to scratch and managed not to whilst trying hard be equanimous about the unpleasant vedana. The sensations faded, but I thought that as I focused on them the itching sensation increased...almost unbearably..the urge to scratch was arrrrgh! Now I'm feeling itchy all over as I think about it!
Hard to explain but I felt the practice seemed more equanimous...ie all the sensations existed at the same time, so I heard the heating, my breathing, my itching, my neighbour noises and the thoughts together.
Oh one last thing, the learning of the day is not to whatsapp someone just before starting practice, so the start was delayed doh.
Thanks for reading, don't think all my posts will be this long, but I guess I am averse to housework as I am at home resting the finger and the golf course is closed anyway! Ha!
And a last last thing, I thought I would revert to the noting the week and day of continuous meditating..and I can believe I've done it for 9 weeks! Ok 9 weeks minus one day, when early on I tried to meditate lying down and snoozed instead....
Hope you have that joy joy feeling today!
Week 9 Day 7!
Medi object choiceless
Intention: Remain receptive and equanimous to all sensations
Good afternoon ! How is everyone today ? Today is the first day of our journey outside the course. My intention is to continue to post daily. This is because I would like to keep a journal of my meditation practice. I will resurrect my blog which I started years ago called Zen Lolly . It had all of 3 weird posts in it. 😋 This is so that I can keep my journal all in one place as Facebook seems to put things in top story order. I would like to be put non meditation things into here such as updates on daily mindful activities and facing pork scratchings, umm I mean cravings.
Today's meditation was 10 minutes metta and 25 minutes noting. I noticed yesterday that when I did 30 minutes noting after 10 minutes metta, I became agitated towards the end. So I'd rather be focused on the entire journey than be thinking about when the bell will ring. So I think I'll stay on this timing for the next few weeks.
Today's metta was difficult. I struggled to fix on an image to focus on but I did manage a few seconds at a time and also tried to put any unpleasant images in the background rather than getting rid of them. This may be a learning for me. I thought that I was always good at concentrating , but I think that I am always multi tasking. The bell went for the end of metta whilst I was still trying to piece together a cohesive image. So I just accepted it and moved on to noting. Maybe I was a 🐣?
Today's noting was an altogether more rounded practice. My intention today was to be super receptive and equanimous. I started as usual on the rising and falling of the breath in my abdomen, and then proceeded to focus on all sorts of external sensations. My neighbours decided to clean their wooden floor upstairs using some kind of manual roller jobbie. Typical, I thought that I should pick the time that they are doing the housework. I noticed the mild irritation about the noise which I felt had a mildly upleasant hedonic tone... though they didn't spend that long cleaning the floor. In my periphery, I could hear the heating system, my ears ringing as usual and the noise of some traffic. I also then observed swirling purple and green blobs in front of my eyes.They were pretty fascinating so I watched them for a while. I was able to watch them and also be aware of peripheral sensations. They came back several times throughout practice and I just enjoyed watching them whenever they were there. Interestingly I had some thoughts and decisions that popped up into my head. They were not really trains of thought but I seemed to be able to observe them whilst being aware of my surroundings. One was about the Air Asia plane. I felt sorrow and tearful. I feel very emotional about plane crashes. It may be my aversion to turbulence that triggers this. I had a bad experience on a short flight to Manchester and I've been nervous ever since. I think I've written about this in the past. How I will play out bad things to all sorts of different endings. But although there was momentary sadness, it was contained and I moved on to the next sensation. Another thought was about painting my garden fence. Another was about doing things around the house. I got to watch these 'videos' as as though they were in front of me, more like for information. I felt warm and cozy under my blanket, my posture was comfortable. Oh yes, I had the itches from hell and tried hard not to scratch and managed not to whilst trying hard be equanimous about the unpleasant vedana. The sensations faded, but I thought that as I focused on them the itching sensation increased...almost unbearably..the urge to scratch was arrrrgh! Now I'm feeling itchy all over as I think about it!
Hard to explain but I felt the practice seemed more equanimous...ie all the sensations existed at the same time, so I heard the heating, my breathing, my itching, my neighbour noises and the thoughts together.
Oh one last thing, the learning of the day is not to whatsapp someone just before starting practice, so the start was delayed doh.
Thanks for reading, don't think all my posts will be this long, but I guess I am averse to housework as I am at home resting the finger and the golf course is closed anyway! Ha!
And a last last thing, I thought I would revert to the noting the week and day of continuous meditating..and I can believe I've done it for 9 weeks! Ok 9 weeks minus one day, when early on I tried to meditate lying down and snoozed instead....
Hope you have that joy joy feeling today!
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