Week 12 Day 1

Week 12 Day 1

Medi object choiceless
Intention attachment and aversion 

Good evening! Hope you are having a nice day! Today I did 5 mins metta and just over 20 mins noting. In the evening I find that I almost. I'd off a lot more as I'm tied, and I haven't eaten dinner yet. But it is a present moment practice so I observe and accept that I am tired and pat myself on the back for noticing the nod! 

Metta on niece, still tough, I want to do it without the words as I'm fi ding I focus on the words rather than my niece. 

Noting, focus on breathing, noted aversion to starting the practice...fiddling about...taking tablets etc, but settled down eventually. I started on my breathing, neighbour sounds abounded at one time I think my neighbour was bouncing a ball, but not for very long, I think his mother stopped him - but he is 20! No heating noises only the ringing in my ears. I had some thought trains which I went down, and I knew that as I lost the sense of my breathing but I pulled myself back. Towards the end I felt a little frustrated but accept that this is the price I pay for sitting in the evening. Played golf today, I note I have an habitual reaction of aversion to golf moaning.

Also, I noticed that I felt a strong sense of isolation and aversion when the conversation at the clubhouse turned to couple activities. As the only full time working woman in the club, if I want to play at other courses, I need to organise it myself or it doesn't happen. (Wow didn't realise that statistic until just now, I really am the only one). And you don't realise that odd numbers do not fit into dinner party or quiz team plans until you are that odd number!  

Anyway, the meditation practice has honed my observational skills and shows me my habitual reactions which definitely lead to more suffering. It's hard though to break that habit when you face it week in week out. It is not pleasant vedana but I need to view it equanimously. I need to just say to myself, it is what it is. If life sucks rhino at this instant, then that's how the pork scratchings crack my teeth. (One benefit of not eating pork scratchings, my dentist is very happy).

Ok! This coming week is going to be a killer at work, two early days with more shenanigans with y.g.

Thanks for bearing with me, today I am moaning Minnie! An habitual reaction of mine is to focus on the negative and forget about the positive. I had  a great time on the course, always very pleasant vedana, I love being outside, here's a picture going down the 12th. 

.