Intention to observe raw sensations, remain alert!
Evening
all! Today I managed to meditate just before a early morning meeting. I
was working from home. Still need to rejig my morning routine I'm an
habitual late riser and it's tough trying to practise first thing.
Only
15 mins, but I made it work for me. I needed to practise in order to
put myself into a more positive state for the day. As soon as I got up I
was fretting about work (and now I know who my new boss is, heaven help
me).
So I set to sorting out my mind. I
started with a couple of minutes of metta and was able to maintain the
feeling of loving kindness for most of the time, think I am remembering
the sensation.
Noting started with a few deep
breaths and a good old listen to whatever noises were around. In my
house it was quiet and so the ringing in my ears was prevalent. I sat
motionless (sometimes I fidget) and that is the best way to get into
effortless mode. It's almost like I have to 'not exist' so that I can
observe what's happening around me. I did feel a sharp pressure in my
chest which I can identify with anxiety. As I continued to attempt the
effortless observation, the pressure became less and I felt very calm,
no more fretting. My body around my arms knees and torso became a block,
not uncomfortable but seemed stable. A few swirls in the eyes as well. I
can't remember the exact thoughts arising and passing but there were a
few intermingled with the other physical sensations.
It's
very late (nearly midnight) and I've only just finished dinner. I'm in a
familiar hotel room. (Used to work more regularly here last year) but
the difference is...as I don't eat sugar I'm looking at the
complimentary chocolates on the plate and thinking shall I? It's only a
very small craving easily fended off. That's what mindfulness has
allowed me to do ...notice cravings and urges and then I can 'control'
my next actions.
Anyhoo, off to finish watching Only Connect...Taraaa and goodnight!
24/4
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