Week 35 Day 4

Medi Object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and to practise metta

Afternoon all! A brief post during lunch. Today again the mind was full of bad work thoughts and I am struggling to focus on the task at hand. The couple in front of me were quite interesting (nice chit chat), as were the two Japanese women (not talking – looked as though they had had an argument) who stood in front of me on the District line. Metta was fragmented although reasonable for about 10 minutes.

My equanimity is being stretched to the limit at the moment as a colleauge is being particularly pernicious to me for some unknown reason. I’ll have to accept it as their sense of humour although my sense of humour is waning quickly. It’s good that I have been reading Salzberg’s book in the Chapter “Liberating the Mind with Sympathetic Joy”, the next chapter is called the “the Gift of Equanimity” and skimming through it I have seen a good quote…”All beings are the owners of their karma. Their happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions, and not on my wishes for them.”

Ommmm…..

35/4

Week 35 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and to practise metta

Morning all! Today I practised for around 40 mins ending in metta.

Today is the day for children on the tube. On the first train a family of  Indians and on the second a young girl in a pram with her mother. Also Cantonese speaking tourists on the 2nd train.

Noting was quite difficult, it seems as I arise I have these anti - work thoughts and they are hard to bat away. I followed the dialogue of the mother with her daughter which included "you're my best friend" and lots of kisses (from the daughter). Such is the innocence of childhood.

Metta was flowing intermittently today but was able to maintain on and off for ten minutes. The trouble is I am always fascinated by well-behaved young children so get easily distracted.

Back to work now. Have a great day!

🐽 💜 🐽

35/3

Week 35 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and practice metta

Afternoon all! Hope you are having a good day. Our team has relocated temporarily to a higher floor and we have a good view of the outside world, including the top of Big Ben (although we don’t see the clock).

Today’s practice was filled with concern about my work, and it’s never as bad as in my mind. I struggled to remain focused what was happening around me at that moment, the thoughts were overwhelming. However, this is my way of coping with uncertainty – I like to think of all kinds of “hypothetical scenarios” as one accountant used to say to me, and flog them in my mind to death. Then reality is always so much easier! Ha!

Metta on the other hand was soothing, as I was able to focus on that feeling for most of the District line journey. It is true that there is no room for bad thoughts if you are focusing on loving kindness, even when reflecting on your “enemies”!

Thankfully, the accountant has agreed that he has enough information to prepare the accounts now, so that’s a weight off my shoulders although I still need to chase my agency for the outstanding expenses they owe me. Panic over! (Panic because the accounts need to be submitted by the end of the week.)

Anyhoo, it’s quiet as the people around me have gone into a meeting. Over the weekend I did manage to do some tidying but I’m hoping I will be in a tidying mood tonight so that I continue to forge my way through to completion!

Hasta luego! 🐽💜🐽

35/2

Week 35 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations and practise metta

Afternoon all! Today although I couldn't play golf because of the rain I was able to practise for 45 mins with high alertness and strong feelings of loving kindness in the metta session.

I allowed my awareness to roam and was mainly involved in watching some thoughts about the garden and sprucing it up. Some good ideas came up! If they come to fruition I will post photos. I felt calm and content and very happy even though I'm not whacking that little ball around a field. I recalled the film Catching Impermanence which I have posted a link here on this group and thought about the beautiful designs Amador drew on the beach...so amazing yet transient. I'm also about to watch the Hungarian Grand Prix and pondered about the young driver Jules Bianchi who died this week from his injuries he incurred at Suzuka last year. Also thought about Schumacher who is now an invalid in his own luxurious home after the skiing accident. In a flash their lives were changed irrevocably. I am grateful that I am able to sit in my house with sound mind and body and explore the present moment.

For the first time I was able to focus on the feeling of loving kindness and was able to maintain it for the 15 minutes whilst having intentions of forgiveness and we'll being to myself and others.

Sometimes unexpected pleasures come from changed plans!

Have a great Sunday...go Hamilton! Although he is now 10th after some shenanigans at the start of the race!

🐽💜🐽

35/1

Week 34 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and to practise metta.

Evening all! today I practised after dinner for 45 mins. 30 noting 15 metta at the end.

I felt alert tonight but still towards the middle there was some nodding. I think it is also very quiet and the only time house is quiet is if I am sleeping!.

Today thoughts of golf, the garden, my new laptop and my accounts flowed through.

For metta I practised for 15 mins with well wishing intentions for myself and my niece and mother. I continue to practise forgiveness metta.

Tomorrow marks start of the 35th week of daily meditation. It has been a interesting and curious journey of exploration. And it is only just over 3 months to 30 days of Insight...time is flying!

Hope you are all having a good weekend. Golf was good, I came 3rd in the comp and won some money instead of booze (as I am teetotal). Tomorrow the forecast is rainy..booo. oh well plenty to do here if it's wet!

Love to you all! 🐽💜🐽

34/7

Week 34 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Evening all! Today's practice was half noting half metta. Although it is late I am relatively alert. The air is cool although I start to bake under the blanket so that I have to open it a bit.

The house is quiet but there is noise from upstairs.. The start of my neighbour's weekend. He's on his own as the rest if his family is in Italy. The ringing in my ears comes in to focus every now and then as foes my breathing. It is regular and smooth. Thoughts of the house come to yo mind and how tidiness eventually becomes chaos if not kept under control!

We had a deluge of rain this evening so everything is soaked outside in the garden. So much for drying out the wood!

Metta was about forgiveness and something good in everyone. Not easy.

It's the weekend hooray! Hope you all have a good one!

🐽 💜 🌞 🐽

34/6

Week 34 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe all sensations and practise metta

Morning all!  It's Thursday apparently the new weekend. Today is cool and cloudy. The tubes are not as crowded as it's the summer holidays. I started with metta and then practised forgiveness metta also. It seems I still have a lot of junk to get out of my head!

Noting on the way to Hammersmith station. There were two Russian women sitting opposite me. I observed their clothes and remarked how similar their colouring was almost like goths. There were two phone users sitting next to them.

....and this entry was incomplete! doh!

oh well...

Week 34 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Morning all! back to normalcy one hopes!

Yesterday I did do pre golf practice but ran out of time to report. I practised in the hotel room which was cool and quiet except for the whirring aircon.

Today I'm on the tube again for 2 days at least. Both trains appear to have sorted out their ventilation so it was lovely and cool.

Thoughts of golfing and work drifted in. My connecting stop came sooner than expected so must have drifted off for a few stops. Man with suit and cologne squashed himself next to me. There were other spaces so I felt mildly irritated that his warm self should be interrupting my cool environment.

On the next tube a family of Cantonese speaking tourist boarded and stayed on for two stops. We're in a new tube with lots of space!

Anyhoo metta practice on the tube, I reflected how I keep disappoint resentment in my head...a waste of space. I will endeavour not to keep it in there!

Oh yes before I go the bacon smell on the connecting platform was getting the ghrelin going...not so easy for intermittent fasters! 

Until tomorrow. ..Have a great day! 🐽 💜 🐽

34/4

Week 34 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Morning all! A very quick check in before I hit the road.

Noting today was quiet with some thoughts. Thoughts about golf (what else) and the garden. A warm feeling in my left leg came to the fore at times as did the ringing in my ears. I also did some labelling for a few mins.

Metta followed and I am continuing the forgiveness metta which has proved reflective and interesting.

Ok ciao for now! Have a great week! 🐽💗🐽

34/2

Week 34 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to allow all thoughts and sensations in

Evening all!  Today I practised this morning avant - golf but just posting now aprės - golf and dinner.

This morning I treated myself to roaming focus to whatever came into focus. Thoughts of garden design and water features and concrete pebbles! Every now and then I would see bright shapes and hear the ringing of the ears.

During metta at the end I performed the forgiveness routines and felt at the point when I had the intention to forgive myself for feelings of disappointment and annoyances, I thought I felt a smidgeon of loving kindness enter my sensations.

Tomorrow off to Wales for a spot of golf. Shame about the Open today will have to watch the golf after the round maybe?

Happy and peaceful Sunday to you all!

🐽💜🐽

34/1

Week 33 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention practise forgiveness metta and noting

Evening all! Today 30 mins of noting and metta.

I struggled with alertness due to the lateness in the day but after 15 mins I practised metta and found that that yielded quite a lot of interesting reflection.

I observed how quiet it was but not a peaceful quiet, more of an agitated quiet. Today I was calm in the midst of moaning at the golf club.  I actually didn't care about what they were arguing about. These days I notice that a friend who is a newly important person is being surrounded by those who wish to curry favour. I am beginning to tire of this jousting so let them get on with it. Such is the sub culture of a club.

When I practised forgiveness metta I thought about today and how easy it is to get sucked into gossip. There are those who would have you think they are your friends until they've sucked the information they want from you. Then they're back into their crowd. I forgave them and forgave myself for the feelings of disappointment that I felt as they unsubtly moved to speak to someone else.

The weather was glorious and our team got the highest score..but as we were a group of women we didn't win the top prize! Like I said, this is the mysterious subculture of a club! I forgave them for their prejudice and forgave myself for being frustrated with the chauvinism. Not that it is right, but there is no space in my tiny head of wasteful draining thoughts like those.

Tomorrow more golf with my buddies. Win win.

Hope you're having a great weekend!
🐽 💜 🐽

33/7

Week 33 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe raw sensations, practise forgiveness metta.

Afternoon all! Today  a slightly curtailed practice due to time constraints. 35 mins.

First I continued to practise metta including forgiveness metta. At each stage images of people appear on mind. Intention is strong and all sorts of people pop in there!

Noting was focused on the noises of the washing machine at one point because there was something scraping on the glass door...loudly. Temptation to look was strong! I felt a bit weary so nodded a bit..time to eat something!

The weather has been reasonable so.i have been productive in the garden but of course progress is always slower that planned.

Have a great weekend and hope the sun shines on you! 🌞💜🌞

33/6

Week 33 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive, to practise metta.

Afternoon all! Today I started with 20 mins metta - forgiveness and seeing goodness. I am finding this form of metta much more meaningful as it allows me to reflect on past experiences and to observe my reactions towards them.

Noting began with the breath and I continued to layer on other sensations. I also did some labelling until it became too cumbersome to continue. The main focus today was a strange squeaking sound which I must identify later! Planning thoughts came in at the end but I allowed them to pass through.

Lots to do today but in no rush!

Have a fab day! 🐽💜🐽

33/5

Week 33 Day 4

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention - metta exercises and noting remaining alert

Evening all! Realised that I had not posted today, I have been busy at work and then dashed to an exercise class afterwards. 

Today I decided to focus on metta exercises for most of the journey. Forgiveness and seeing goodness. The Salzberg book is a real eye opener. I recited the affirmations and reflected after each step. I am continuing the evacuation of unneeded thoughts and ideas out of my tiny head. Look forward to positive ideas to take their place!

Today I practised noting on the District line. The noting focus was on thoughts about work and daily life. And also thoughts about the metta exercises.

I'm off work again until next Wednesday looking forward to a busy productive time around the house and also in Wales on Monday and Tuesday! plus the change to do a longer practice tomorrow! 🐷💜🐷

33/4

Week 33 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention to remain alert and open to any sensations

Afternoon all! A quick post before I get back to work. Today it was quiet until the District line train which was noisy but not crowded. Practice was focused on my (less) itchy eyes and my tiredness. I sat listening to dialogue, tube rumbling and feeling the coolness of the air – as opposed to the boiling-ness last week! The tube seemed to whizz along super quick today, but it got to the connecting station no quicker than usual. On the next train, I practised a forgiveness meditation from Salzberg’s book. I have been musing about aversion (which is a pretty large topic) and agreed with Salzberg that there is no room for resentment, disappointment or guilt in the already small head of mine, so I will have the intention to remove them!

Very zippy! Have a good day!

33/3

Week 33 Day 2

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all! Today it's a work day. Quite weary as have been awake with itchy eyes. More antihistamine needed!

The weather is damp today and so the ambience is slightly depressed. Not sure it's really negative vedana but it's asking to be.

The main focus today was alas my eyes which are very uncomfortable. I tried to relax but if I kept my eyes closed they would start to itch. Trying not to scratch arrrgh! Passengers were quiet today, and there don't appear to be any notable  foreigners in this carriage as I write.

Anyhoo as soon as I get to work will be consuming drugs to hopefully cure eye itch.

Have a great day! 🐽 👀🐽

33/2

Week 33 Day 1

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to observe all sensations and allow all thoughts to take their course.

Morning all! Today 45 mins with a bit of metta. Very alert with high energy today. I decided to allow all thoughts in and see them through to the end.

I began as always with the breath and then layered on the other sensations. The ringing in my ears is loud today and the TV box is whirring...must be getting an update. Thoughts for the first half hour were some strange scenes about measuring something.  I have been following an intermittent fasting regime and so my mind must have made something up about it! I did have some thoughts about calculating future weight loss. Was able to observe these as simply thoughts and not follow a trail to drifting. Every now and then my focus was on what I saw on my eyelids..green swirls moving towards a centre point. Also my neighbours are active upstairs so I followed them around for a while. I felt relaxed but also felt an ache in my back I could not remove with adjusting position so I just left it there.

Thoughts overlapped and I watched as some progressed and others disappeared as I took a deep breath or adjusted my posture.

I did metta at 25 mins for 5 mins (the bells allow me to stop at 30 if I want to)  I tried the Salzberg affirmations and then focused on my niece, had to bat sone thought trails to the background.

For the last 15 mins I thought about my garden. A few handy ideas came up but nothing earth shattering. The thoughts were intermingled with sounds, sights and the physical feelings of my sitting.

Anyhoo have to dash to speak to mother and then head to the golf course.

Have a great day, will Federer be Wimbledon champion?  🐽💜🐽

33/1

Week 32 Day 7

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Evening all! Tonight a 30 mins practice ending in metta.

I started with the breath and added the layers but it became apparent that I was tired and I nodded frequently. So I ended up standing for the last 15 mins.

In between noddings the sensation smoothie consisted of the fan noises, the ringing in my ears and various aches and pains particularly when standing. Plain light on front of my eyes.  Thoughts were about golf and ummm eating cereal! Ha!

Anyhoo. Standing seemed to stop the nodding but I had to sway gently to keep balance.

Hope you are having a good weekend! See you tomorrow! 🐽💜🐽

32/7

Week 32 Day 6

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert

Morning all!  It's quiet on the way to work as it's Friday and mist people work away from the office.

Noting was around 30 mins followed by metta.

Today it was quiet and the train rattled along at speed, it seemed more rocky than usual. A woman opposite me had a brief phone conversation. At one point we stopped and the train announcement did not happy so I observed the missing announcement!

Anyhoo, for metta I review the 11 benefits in the chapter I am reading of Salzberg.

The trains are slow today although every is supposed to be back to normal.

It's nearly the weekend. ..hope you have a great one!

🐽💜🐽

32/6

Week 32 Day 5

Medi object choiceless awareness
Intention to remain alert and receptive to all sensations

Afternoon all! Today 30 mins of noting and metta at the end.

Today I am lucky to be at home because of the tube strike. It's a sunny day but I'm indoors avoiding it because of work!

I began as always with focus on the breath and layered on other sensations. However today thoughts were prevalent so I let them happen whilst trying not to progress them and lose peripheral awareness. A thought about yesterday's  Bokwa class came up and I was about to try and remember the routine we went through! Nooo stop, not for meditation practice! Another time.

I did jot a couple of things down because I really needed not to forget them, which I often do after practice.

Metta was ok, I have been reading Salzberg's book and it's beginni4to make sense, although it's hard to believe the idea that of you have the intention of doing or feeling something in this case. .feeling the loving kindness feeling, you can keep going through the motions of the affirmations and eventually it will happen. More work required!

Ok time for lunch I believe...and maybe I will peek outside a bit! Have a great day! 🐽 💜 🐽

32/5