Week 22 Day 3

Week 22 Day 3

Evening all, a busy day but was able to meditate for 45 mins this morning before it started. Metta for 5 mins then 40 mins noting. 

Metta today still fairly hard particularly as it takes about 30 seconds to settle. Probably should start a minute in so that things are calmer. 

Noting began with the breath as always and then I cycled through the senses - hearing, seeing, feeling. Neutral taste and smell today. My hands went like lumps again but not as pronounced as yesterday.  After the first bell I had to sneeze, no control over that. I adjusted the coverings and continued. Thoughts of planning came into view and also a scene of some weird surgery...how to fix knees! It must be because I have been watching a lot of 'How do they do that?' programmes. LOL. After 15 mins I had to adjust my posture due to back ache. I watched a swirly show of green in front of my eyes. The washing machine was rumbling every now and then, and then the cycle finished so the alarm went off for a while and so I was drawn to it each time it went off, 3 buzzes and then it stops and it always felt too long between alarms. I had thoughts of a shade sail being put up...which was supposed to happen but didn't as I have to get a smaller one. There were a few noises of cars driving by and also naughty planes veering off the correct flight path. 

Today I had to keep cycling through the senses to remain alert. Again at the end, it took a few seconds to move out of the practice state. 

Hope you are having a good day! 

Week 22 Day 2

Week 22 Day 2

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive. To note environmental aspects and physical sensations.

Morning all! Today 50 mins, 5 mins metta and 45 mins noting.

Today I am sitting in my safe place in the quiet. I have not switched the telly on yet. I believe that this forms some kind of interference in my practice so will keep it off for practice from now on.

Before practice I poured drain cleaner down my blocked sink and wrote a mega lost of things to do. Don't always have the luxury of clearing the deck before practice but possibly this may help the focus during practice. Despite this some planning thoughts came into my head which I tried to push aside during metta.

After metta as I started noting I sneezed three times. I also heard the whirring again and had to check out which contraption it was, but couldn't be sure from my seated position. Settling back into practice I cycled through the sensations - the breath, hearing, taste, seeing, smelling and feeling. After one or two cycles I began choiceless awareness. The whirring of the machine caught my attention first, but there was no regularity to the sounds. In fact they are no longer there as I type.... Then the ringing in my ears which oscillates as there is a collection of sounds within the ringing. On seeing  I saw a few green spirals and watched them twist and turn. My hands on my knees had become an immovable solid of warmth. In the periphery I could hear my neighbours conversing. After the first bell I noted that I felt that my hands were no longer on my knees but were holding something.  This was a peculiar sensation as my mind knew they were on my knees but my sensate self thought differently. This continued for around 15 mins not always in the fore front. I did note the start of drifts but moved away from them. No significant thoughts except for my wondering about each sensation and constantly checking whether I was alert.  As the 2nd bell went after a few minutes I noticed a drift. I had come out of the effortless time and moved into a different more usual state where I had roaming thoughts and some itches. However there was an underlying sense of calmness with hulk hands and tuneful ear ringing.

I also noted a few times that I was tilting my head backwards so I noted the intention to correct this posture and then straightened my neck. Each time I did this my alertness would move to the front.

As the final bell went I stayed sitting for another 5 minutes. In this quietude it definitely takes a few moments to return to day to day life. I continued and the hands to knees sensation returned and I opened my eyes. The calm sensation remains until even now as I finish this report. In the past I abhorred 'silence' but now it is a pleasurable necessity. Not that I don't like to get jiggy to "Fester Skank" by Lethal Bizzie  but there's a time and a place for that....

Have a great day and practice! 🐽 💜 🐽

Week 22 Day 1

Week 22 Day 1

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive

Evening all. Today 20 mins. A few mins metta and then noting.

Today the room was very quiet and I could hear birdsong from outside the flat. I felt my body and breath and listened to the ringing in my ears and the birdsong. Very calm and centred but I did notice that I nodded a few times. Thoughts of planning and holidays came and went. I tried to maintain energy noting my intention to move as I adjusted my posture.

Keeping still helps to bring that steady breathing and effortlessness but I'm in  danger of drifting due to tiredness, so returned to the breath frequently.

Early to bed today as last night. Golfing in the wind makes the body weary.

Have a good practice and rest of the day! 🐽💜🐽

Week 21 Day 7

Week 21 Day 7

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive.

Good evening all. Tonight's mediation was tough. I'm tired and so constantly nodding.

I decided to observe the tiredness, yawning and nodding. 30 mins in total but only just.

I noticed that even though I kept my eyes open they would close and I would nod. My arms are aching a bit from the golf today, my physical body feels weary the nodding  starts from the head and then a glaze comes over the body and the neck relaxes and then nodding. I was a bit warm so I  adjusted the blanket. I also think that the hayfever doesn't help.

All in all, I didn't think much except about trying not to nod. I went back to my breath time and time again but still fell foul to the nodding. I held my arms up for a few seconds to try and inject energy but did not stand up. I heard the heating clicks, the neighbours and my ears ringing  I observed flickering from the telly with my eyes shut and tried not to watch when my eyes were open.

Bed early tonight methinks.  Maybe 1 or 2am???

Hope you are having a nice day and have had the chance to practice.🐽💜🐽

21/7

Week 21 Day 6

Week 21 Day 6

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive.

Afternoon all! Today I practised for 45 mins but it was tough. 5 mins metta was good but noting was full of future planning thoughts and tiredness. I observed the breath and other sensations and now I feel like a nap! It's end of the week syndrome.

I continued throughout the practice to return to the breath and tried to provide more energy by sitting up straighter but it could be that I needed to eat first!

Hope you all have a great day and practice!

Week 21 Day 5

Week 21 Day 5

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive

Morning all! A short post today. Thoughts pervaded both metta and noting. Was thinking about conversations from yesterday and article I read. Today those thoughts were dominant. Metta was for myself today. Noting was not breath centric but noise and thought filled.

I concluded with a mindful look at the Scottish Widows advert I stand opposite daily. I noticed that the sections were not lined up, but only by a fraction. You would barely notice  it if you didn't look closely. Also I noticed what I thought was a light fitting above the ad. In fact all the boards had this  structure...not for lights but to hold ladders.

The smell of cooking bacon drifted across the platform! Arrrgh.

Is it hometime yet?

Have a great day and practice today!

Week 21 Day 4

Week 21 Day 4

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive

Morning all! Today 5 mins metta and 25 mins noting.  Metta was difficult as it was very noisy so hard to keep those noises in the background.

Noting started with the breath and the dominant noises on the train of rumbling and announcements. I heard a conversation at the end of the carriage. Felt my hands on my knees feet on the floor. Thoughts of planning came into view and I noted some aversion. I saw the other train in the platform so jumped on that one a stop earlier and spent the next 10 mins wondering if I had done the right thing as this train stops at a few more stops than the other one. However the environment was much more pleasant as it was emptier than the previous train.

The light was very strong my eyelids and caused some irritation. Strong sensations do not lend themselves to quiet practice.

It seems emptier, must be moving to the end of the week. Hump day today and the sun is  shining! Hope you all have a great day and practice! 🐽 💜 🐽

Week 21 Day 3

Week 21 Day 3

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and focused in a noisy place

Morning all!  Today the practice was 40 mins with a mindful interruption when I changed trains. 5 mins metta was difficult but I will persevere!  There is a little boy in a pushchair who is giggling at something and it's very endearing.

I started with observing the breath and as usual noises on the train were dominant. The skinny woman next to me was wide as a house as she knocked me with her elbow and newspaper. About 15 mins in I felt a cold sensation on my hand and opened my eyes and the zipper on a woman's coat had touched me as she leant over to open the vent. I observed her quilted black coat and how the sleeves were pointed at the ends. I closed my eyes and continued. There were moments of focus but they were hard to maintain. I watched a very short light show on my eyelids. As I embarked on the 2nd train it was quiet but a large group of Italians got on about 5 mins later and the quiet was disturbed substantially as a young boy in their party started to stamp his feet. This sounded the end of my practice.

May have to adjust location of practice! Hope you all have a great day and practice today! Right back to work! 🐽💜🐽

Week 21 Day 2

Week 21 Day 2

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive. To compare locations of practice

Morning all! Today I am stuck on the tube and there is a signal failure so I've meditated for 42 mins and still not half way there. 5 mins metta at the start.

Metta still tough but persevered to maintain aww factor for more than a few seconds at a time..

Noting today was difficult due to the irregularities in noises in the carriage. It is definitely a difficult place to practice unless everyone is quiet! But because of delays in the service there was lots of conversation and plus I had no choice but to listen to an entire phone conversation between an IT contractor and an agent as he spoke so loud. Trouble is with heightened observation the awareness just goes to the most prevalent sensation no matter how unpleasant it is! Also lots of apologetic announcements. For some reason I am very weary...it's probably because I am thinking about all I have to do before I go on leave next week. Just need to hang on for 5 more days then will be released to meditate more freely!

Main focus was on the breath and those very irritating hearing sensations. There is a group of very noisy men who have joined me on this tube and are continuing their frenzied conversation.

So it might be bog medi again today if I get the chance otherwise will hope for an uneventful journey tomorrow.

The Piccadilly line has still not passed this stop so I'm very glad I changed onto this train!

Hope you have a good day and practice! Sun's out here! 🐽💜🐽

Week 21 Day 1

Week 21 Day 1

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert and receptive, see thoughts arise and pass

Evening all! I wrote this after my oractice but have only just managed to post ---

After yesterday's hangout I considered what made yesterday's practice different to allow such focus. I realised a few things...it's a safe place, the place I always practice when I'm at home. The temperature is also just right. The biggest thing is that once I start I keep very still and do not fidget. I'm not sitting bolt upright but with back and neck straight. However with intention I can adjust but very gently.  Also no forcing the breath to hear it.

Today I did 45 mins.5 mins metta 40 mins noting. The metta was tough but I persevered and went back and forth from my focus image many times. Then the noting. As normal I started with breathing but also tried to still my body. I checked all senses and I had an extra sensation today, after taste of milk...can't say it was very pleasant but it was present all the time. The radiator was going a bit ballistic so that was my focus for a while.  After about 5 mins I felt as though a wave came over me from one side to the top and I was in that zone again.  Today though I did not have many thoughts to contend with. One about milk...not surprisingly. I also had thoughts about the practice. Was I alert, was I feeling drowsy? The overwhelming sensation was one of quietness and no movement, or effortlessness. I moved from sensation to sensation.  I had a back ache and adjusted my posture after noting the intention just slightly and remained in the zone. It seems any sudden movement or aggravation would disturb this concentrated state.

However after about 30 mins I moved out of the state into usual practice. Though no change in posture it seems the mind can only take so much focus. Anyway happy to be able to recreate it and so quickly.  The last 10 mins were filled with random thoughts and  content drifting a few times. Definitely have to build up slowly. Also I would not call it blissful even though yesterday's session was a surprise, just deeper. It brings excitement but not a desire to remain in the zone but an opportunity to be even more just present. Yesterday I wondered how long it would last but was equanimity in accepting whatever I received.

Had two lovely days of golfing and meditation...now that IS bliss. 🐽💜🐽😁

Week 20 Day 7

Week 20 Day 7

Medi object choiceless

Intention note every sensation. Observe thought.

Morning all! Today I practised for 45 mins with 5 mins metta at the start. I felt I could have gone on longer but I need to leave go the golf course!

Today as I write I feel I am still in practice and even after opening my eyes I was still vibrantly aware of my surroundings yet strangely quiet. My breathing was so soft yet I could sense every movement. The ringing in my ears was present at all times. I felt my body as one solid piece ultra quiet as though I was a receptacle for sensations.  At first I did scratch one itch but only after noting my intention.As I sat I was wondering was I dreaming...I felt wholly alert and yet so calm. I heard the heating, my neighbours' movements upstairs. I watched a lava lamp show on my eyelids and felt solidity in my body even though I knew my index fingers were lifted off. As I quizzed myself thoughts came into my field of observation some I followed, some were random  All the time I could sense the periphery.

I felt like I could stay in practice almost for ever and opening my eyes I did not want to leave that very pleasant state. In fact it took me at least 5 minutes to reluctantly move a muscle for fear of the feeling disappearing but no muscle movement  detracted from this alertness, it just continued.

Anyhow I'm a bit blathery today because it is hard to explain what I was feeling, not the usual practice, something a whole lot deeper and more satisfying  . A place I did not want to leave and the effects are still with me now...very strange...

Will ponder on that on the golf course! I'm late!

Enjoy your day and have a great practice! 🐽💜🐽❓❕

Week 20 Day 6

Week 20 Day 6

Medi object choiceless

Intention to remain alert, to observe thinking and feeling

Evening all! 30 mins today with 7 mins metta to start. Was able to maintain focus on the aww factor during metta which is good.

I did practise earlier but was interrupted by phone rebooting on its own so I decided to try again later.

The room is pleasantly warm although I shivered a few times. I also had to give into a tickly cough a few times.. definitely hayfever season! I observed my breathing and then as usual listened for sounds then sights and feelings. Not much going on in the seeing area. Thoughts came and went. A few nods, all but the last one caught before they got too big but I accept I'm tired.

I watched time pass by alongside the clicking and whirring of heating and sky box. Feeling my hands on my knees and the air around my body. A prevalent itch came but went.

I'm trying to work out how the thoughts come to be and think it is during a momentary lapse of focus on the breath or sound. If perhaps an image comes into my head my mind may expand on it so that it becomes a scene of some sort. Then I realise,  note it as thinking and then it fades. Must look more closely next time.

Finally a regular weekend. Looking forward to hitting that little white ball and watching the pheasants cavort on the fairways.

Have a great weekend and good practising! 🐽💜🐽

20 / 6

Week 20 Day 5

Medi object choice
Intention to be present and note all sensations, observe vedana

Morning all! Today I'm back to tube practice! Lots of thoughts prior to practice which I has to observe pass away as I started. Today I pondered whether whilst noting should I feel peripheral sensations all at once or one after the other, should I try to observe more or observe the sensations in greater detail?

I observed my breathing and the noises on the tube. I noted that the driver was sitting on a fold down chair as when he got up it banged against the wall. However that is a conceptualisation as my mind put that thought in my head as all I heard was a bang.

The weather is changing, I'm wearing lighter clothes but there is still a fair breeze which I felt around me. My neighbour on one side was reading a newspaper with her arms wide so that the paper touched me, my other neighbour was quiet.

I got off the train and observed my regular advert trying to observe more detail. I mused as to whether the subject had been electronically pasted in front of the painting. I don't think so. However she was holding the paintbrush so that the bristles lay on her pristine shirt and the colour vaguely matched the picture. Dripping paint irked me again.

As I sat in the next carriage I felt joy and contentment and listened to a group of friends chatting and laughing. My irksom thoughts of the morning had disappeared and being in the present was exceedingly good (like Mr Kipling cakes!)

Have a great day and practice!

20/5

Week 20 Day 4

Week 20 Day 4

Medi object - choiceless

Intention - to remain in the present in a strange place!

Afternoon all! Meditation today was 5 mins metta and 20 mins noting before room service. The room was quiet again and I had already noted my aversion to silence yesterday so I did not feel irritated today. I had to hard reset my phone so had not quite set the notifications correctly so the phone buzzed a few times, which caused me irritation. However I did not fix it, I just let the buzzing happen.

I felt that the room was cool and a pleasant vedana. I observed that my breath was a bit ragged as I had been blowing my nose just prior to practice as my hayfever is starting. So the air through the nostrils was not as smooth as previously, plus a little tickly. I had to blow my nose a couple of times.

As I sat in the room, I noted that I seem to be a "all-inclusive" package today at times. There were moments when no thoughts were present, except for the thoughts to myself that there were no thoughts! The "all-inclusive" was the peripheral sensations of the breath, the feeling of coolness on the skin, hands on knees, feet on floor, ringing of ears and the seeing of the occasional flashing from the television which was to the side of me. That and the medi object which was a succession of relevant thoughts where I was an observer. Each came and went. These seemed to appear when I had the thought of a key word, such as "hotel", "breakfast", "work". How these words popped into my head I am not sure. If I was not all-inclusive that usually meant I had got stuck in the content, as I no longer noticed my breathing.

There were a few noises of pleasant vedana outside the hotel - only because it broke the silence. At one point I thought someone knocked on the door so I opened my eyes momentarily. The room service came, so I stopped at that point.

So, roll on the weekend, I know it's hump day, but I'm a bit lost as I've been staring out of this window every day for the last 10 days...

Have a great day and practice today!

Week 20 Day 3

Medi object choiceless awareness

Intention - to practise in a strange place

Afternoon all! Had to get to work before typing this and it was a glorious day today! Meditated until my room service (!) came. Got back to hotel

at 1am

last night.

Metta for 5 mins, then noting for about 20. Today the room was very quiet, as I meditated it almost felt a bit boring! Now I know why people like to meditate outside plenty to listen to. Anyhoo, it was exceedingly quiet in the room, all I heard was the ringing in my ears. I sometimes saw the light from the television on my eyelids. I also saw green light receding into the distance. Most of my thoughts were about how quiet the room was. In fact, could there be some aversion to the silence? Interesting. I observed the breath and noted the peripheral sensations - my hands on my knees, the moderate room temperature, the ringing in my ears. A few itches occurred, one I had to scratch and the others I let come and go.

Here's a nice pic of the walk to work.

L

Week 20 Day 2

Medi object choiceless?

Intention to remain receptive and alert. To see the arising and passing of thoughts

Morning all! Today I have the luxury of practising before I leave for work, because I will be working past midnight tonight.

.

I  started with focus on the breath and  the rising and falling of it. The ringing in my ears was very predominant. I noticed that sometimes my object is not choiceless, I sometimes draw myself back to the breath if I  want to refocus. There were many thought trains today and I tried to work out how they started and watched them until they finished. I observed that if I no longer heard my breath I was lost in thought. So for me I need to keep my breath in the peripheral awareness, so as not to be lost in the content of thought. Most of the thoughts were about planning as the next three days are unusual for me so I need to be clear about what I'm doing. However, interestingly, the people in the scenes were unknown to me although they were doing the things I had planned.

I had downloaded the timer on to a different device, and I think I had set the awareness bell for every 5 minutes which is unusual for me. However I continued and 30 minutes seemed very comfortable.

Physical sensations around the body were that there was a breeze around my calves and I could feel my neck ache for a bit and my back beginning to stiffen. I also felt a few itches but they came and passed.

Today I only saw blurry lights I did not see any floaters today it could be that I was not sitting facing a window light as I was yesterday.

I felt alert and even though I went into the contents of some thoughts I am beginning to workout when this happens so each day I learn more about being in the present.

Hope you all have a great day and practice! 🐽 💜 🐽

Week 20 Day 1

Week 20 Day 1

Medi object choiceless
Intention to practise in a strange place...

Morning all! Today I managed 20 mins in a meeting room. May do some mindful putting (!) this afternoon.

The clock in the room was mesmeric! The tick was so loud. I started observing the rising and falling of the breathing, one of my nostrils is a bit blocked due to hay fever season. I only noticed this a few minutes in. It appears that the calmer the mind and the more focused, one notices more as one goes along.

The tick of the clock was fuzzy, i.e. although the tick was at a particular time, there was an echo that seemed to make it longer than a split second. I could hear the ringing in my ears as a continuous noise with oscillations. I could feel my hands on my thighs and also around my body was a coolness which was slightly unpleasant. I shivered under my armpits(!) first on the left and then on the right.

I noticed in this session that my alertness wavered and interestingly it was as though when my attention was brought back to the area in the front of the mind I felt more aware, and when my attention waned it moved dropped and moved away from that area. I found the clock very hypnotic and now I know why people use a ticking clock to try and sleep!

My colleagues have gone to watch the Grand Prix highlights! I'm going to go and do some more meditation! Be backson...

Ok! Back with another journal of meditation! I did a full 30 minutes because I thought my colleagues would be away for at least an hour and when I got back to my desk they were already back looking a bit forlorn because the highlights were only 20 minutes!

So now to another meditation. I chose a different location to avoid the very noisy ticking clocks in meeting rooms. The sun was shining outside, blue sky, green trees and concrete buildings made for very pleasant vedana! As I started I observed my breathing and the ringing in my ears, I noticed the sounds of various bits of office equipment on standby. I felt my hands on my thighs. For a while I watched the floaters in the vitreous humour in my eyes, at first they were extremely clear, they looked like bits under a microscope, and when I moved my eyes they moved. Interestingly later, as I started to see colours, the floaters became blurry and moved into the background.

No shivers this time, the temperature was pleasant. I felt happy to focus on the practice without worrying about going back to my desk (little did I know...). I realise that as one sits in one position for longer duration, different things happens. More light shows, an itch or two (one I had to deal with near my eye, one I let be). Alertness is challenged and I can feel the alertness drift to the back and then to the front of my mind.

Anyway, nearly checkpoint time, so I'll sign off, I'd rather be out on the golf course than in here but not long to go now! Have a great day and practice!

And it's week 20!

Week 19 Day 7

Week 19 Day 7

Medi object - choiceless

Intention - to be aware of sensations in a strange place

Afternoon all, today I am at work, so I had to sneak out to a meeting room to do 15 minutes practice. Tomorrow I will be do the meditation early before I start work. We are just waiting around, just in case but I can't be gone for long. I did contemplate meditating at my desk but if I'm around my sociable colleagues chat to me!

I mainly focused on the breath, initially having my earphones in, but I decided after 5 minutes to take them out. Prior to that I heard the end of the in breath and the end of the out breath clearly. I heard the ringing of my ears. I felt the sensations of my hands against my knees and my feet were crossed. Thoughts of the day arose and passed.

After I removed the headphones I realised that there was a very loud ticking clock in the room I was sitting in! Did not hear that at all with the ear phones in! I practised with my eyes open and continued to hear the ringing in my ears, although my breathing was not so clear. Half way through an announcement came through the speakers (we'd been having these all day) that the fire alarm testing was complete.

Keeping the eyes open often means that I find a tendency for them to want to shut as I drift off. I felt a shiver over my body - didn't realise I was cold but may be the air was cool.

The weather is so fine and crisp today, when I leave I will be making a little trip to Whole Foods on the way home...

Hope you have a great day and practice!

Week 19 Day 6

Week 19 Day 6
Medi object choiceless
To observe sensations as clearly as possible

Morning everyone! Today the tube is emptier because it is Friday. I am on data duty...have to go and pick up a data extract from a supplier.

Today I did 23 mins noting. I was squashed to one side side of my seat by Mr Hulk to my left. I noted my aversion  to to this squashing. I also have forgotten my work I'd so planning thoughts about that came into my focus and passed. About 10 mins in a splash of earphone leakage arrived...it was surprisingly Vivaldi's Four Seasons - Spring. Retro thoughts of aversion came into my head as husband 1 had taken me to a concert where the orchestra was performing that piece...which I was basically sick of as we had played it so many times. I was so excited to be taken to the concert but gutted that I had to listen to that again!

Got off the train, looked at the ad again and as my connecting train came in I noticed that the woman's blouse had embroidered flowers on it!

Hope you have a great day and practice!

Week 19 Day 5

Week 19 Day 5
Medi object choiceless
Intention to observe all sensations without vocalising

Morning all! Today's practice was 23 minutes noting. I started observing the breath and then quickly moved the sound of a woman on the phone enunciating slowly in a foreign language. Planning thoughts came in and I observed their content like a video. Sounds of whirring and the rumbling of the train were prevalent throughout. As we reached Acton Town I opened my eyes briefly and the sun shone brightly in the carriage. I listened and watched for a while until I disembarked to wait for my next train. The woman standing in front of the green blue painting was in front of me again. I tried to see what was on her pendant but couldn't get close enough. The drips of paint still irked me. I boarded the next train and got a single seat. The woman opposite me is either going to garden or work outside or has very dirty trousers on, make up - two rosy cheeks. I continued for a few minutes then sneeze alarm ended the practice.

Felt a bit weary today and not so alert, but still tried to keep the medi object in focus and all the other peripheral sensations in tact even though it didn't feel as together as it could be.

Sun's shining! Go out and get some rays! Have a good day and practice!