Week 9 Day 7 - Observe the pork scratching craving...

This will be the first post of many after the 30 DOM meditation  course. I looked back on the blog entries and see that in 2008 I was trying to meditate to get rid of churning thoughts. Ha...wrong! Hopefully I'll get it 'right' from now on.

Week 9 Day 7!

Medi object choiceless
Intention: Remain receptive and equanimous to all sensations

Good afternoon ! How is everyone today ? Today is the first day of our journey outside the course. My intention is to continue to post daily. This is because I would like to keep a journal of my meditation practice. I will resurrect my blog which I started years ago called Zen Lolly . It had all of 3 weird posts  in it. 😋 This is so that I can keep my journal all in one place as Facebook seems to put things in top story order.  I would like to be put non meditation things into here such as updates on daily mindful activities and facing pork scratchings,  umm I mean cravings.

Today's meditation was 10 minutes metta and 25 minutes noting. I noticed yesterday that when I did 30 minutes noting after 10 minutes metta, I became agitated towards the end. So I'd rather be focused on the entire journey than be thinking about when the bell will ring. So I think I'll stay on this timing for the next few weeks.

Today's metta was difficult. I struggled to fix on an image to focus on but I did manage a few seconds at a time and also tried to put any unpleasant images in the background rather than getting rid of them. This may be a learning for me. I thought that I was always good at concentrating , but I think that I am always multi tasking. The bell went for the end of metta whilst I was still trying to piece together a cohesive image. So I just accepted it and moved on to noting. Maybe I was a 🐣?

Today's noting was an altogether more rounded practice. My intention today was to be super receptive and equanimous. I started as usual on the rising and falling of the breath in my abdomen, and then proceeded to focus on all sorts of external sensations. My neighbours decided to clean their wooden floor upstairs using some kind of manual roller jobbie. Typical, I thought that I should pick the time that they are doing the housework. I noticed the mild irritation about the noise which I felt had a mildly upleasant hedonic tone... though they didn't spend that long cleaning the floor. In my periphery, I could hear the heating system, my ears ringing as usual and the noise of some traffic. I also then  observed swirling purple and green blobs in front of my eyes.They were pretty fascinating so I watched them for a while. I was able to watch them and also be aware of peripheral sensations. They came back several times throughout practice and I just enjoyed watching them whenever they were there. Interestingly I had some thoughts and decisions that popped up into my head. They were not really trains of thought but I seemed to be able to observe them whilst being aware of my surroundings. One was about the Air Asia plane. I felt sorrow and tearful. I feel very emotional about plane crashes. It may be my aversion to turbulence that triggers this. I had a bad experience on a short flight to Manchester and I've been nervous ever since. I think I've written about this in the past. How I will play out bad things to all sorts of different endings. But although there was momentary sadness, it was contained and I moved on to the next sensation. Another thought was about painting my garden fence. Another was about doing things around the house. I got to watch these 'videos' as as though they were in front of me, more like for information. I felt warm and cozy under my blanket, my posture was comfortable. Oh yes, I had the itches from hell and tried hard not to scratch and managed not to whilst trying hard be  equanimous about the unpleasant vedana. The sensations faded, but I thought that as I focused on them the itching sensation increased...almost unbearably..the urge to scratch was arrrrgh! Now I'm feeling itchy all over as I think about it!

Hard to explain but I felt the practice seemed more equanimous...ie all the sensations existed at the same time, so I heard the heating, my breathing, my itching, my neighbour noises and the thoughts together.

Oh one last thing, the learning of the day is not to whatsapp someone just before starting practice, so the start was delayed doh.

Thanks for reading, don't think all my posts will be this long, but I guess I am averse to housework as I am at home resting the finger and the golf course is closed anyway! Ha!

And a last last thing, I thought I would revert to the noting the week and day of continuous meditating..and I can believe I've done it for 9 weeks! Ok 9 weeks minus one day, when early on I tried to meditate lying down and snoozed instead....

Hope you have that joy joy feeling today!

Handicap 18.8

And one happy zen lolly!

So glad I didn't delete this blog.

Started mindfulness practice 20 days ago! Tomorrow will be the 3week anniversary of daily sitting.

Starting 30DOM course. More later...

Zen Golf and my world revolves

I have been playing golf like a mad woman for the past 3 months, since December 31st (that fateful day), I have been playing practically every weekend and decided to cough up membership to save money.

But today I scored 50. 50 with the highest handicap means 32, which means I scored an overall
-1! So now I'm happy. Putting still up the creek but thinking about blaming the equipment.

Looking forward to my Zen Golf every morning....ahhhh....

2008 quarterly post

Yeah well, what happened to 2007?

I learnt to play golf for the summer but my first foray onto the golf course was in October. 20 over par on the first hole HAHAHA!

I quit my job and found a short term contract which means I get an office with a view - close to my beloved water.

I ballooned. Stress at work caused me to abandon all hope of knee recuperation, but I think I'm back on track now.

And this week's self realisation: If you take risks by letting someone into your being, be prepared to be hurt when they stab you....arrrgh!

Peace...peace...ARRGGGH Panic

No amount of meditating last night, could get rid of my habit of churning over a bad situation. In the end it's never as bad as I think, but after a load of angst the lesson I need to learn is - life isn't about winning ... it's about ...well what is it about? hmmmm....

In the end the feeling of dread can fill us all, but it's an interesting concept - why should we fear the future when we don't even know what is going to happen? Amazing our imagination runs wild and we start to think that fantasy is reality.

Quite like the fantasy world though - everyone gets on with everyone... but that can't happen really???

The Grip

The Grip - the most fundamental part of golf and I'm still trying to get it. Well, I have only been on the range. Will get out onto the course this summer though - just liked to hit that little white ball a little more consistently. And whoooooosh far! mmm there's a kind of addiction about whacking that ball as far as you can. However, when it just dribbles back into the basket you just hope the guy in the next stall wasn't watching...heheh.

Hey ho. Golf's like life. Can't rush it, it takes a long to time to get perfection...or perhaps you never will..

Hasta luego.

Comedy of Life

Today is another day. A day where someone somewhere is laughing. However not here. I don't hear any laughter. Here are some things that make people laugh...

1) TV shows
2) People
3) Children
4) Winning the lottery
5) Schadenfreude - I learnt that word this year from a show which made me laugh called Avenue Q.
6) Silly jokes
7) Serious jokes
8) People being dead serious about themselves but making a fool of themselves
9) People being dead silly about themselves seriously (stand up?)
10) Dilbert
11) Foreigners speaking your language - a bit like 5) but you try speaking theirs and you may not be laughing
12) Clever adverts
13) Recounting fond memories
14) Recounting foolish acts
15) Recounting serious acts and realising that they were foolish

... and the list goes on...

But still no one's laughing here at the office. I call it the morgue. But probably dead people would find more to laugh about than in here.

Individual or Odd one out?

What happens if you feel that no-one seems to understand how you tick, and that you are always feel the odd one out in any situation? Is it worth being odd for three scores years and ten?

Different

What happens if you believe that you are neither male or female and do not feel inclined to behave stereotypically like one or the other?

Watched an interesting documentary called Middle Age. Thought provoking.